you act'

aand so he always, out of the blue warns me. or so, "warns" me.
"you act what?"

i dont think i got why he ever said this kinda unfriendly shit, and sometimes mean it
untill i finally get the time to emo today morning.
(no i didnt stay at home and not study with you so that i can emo, no.)
there's hardly anything left behind in my pursuit to be unique.

i just want to be different, so much i forgot to fear being weird.

whats wrong with being unique? whats wrong?
i dont know. but maybe as he puts it incredibly plain, its acting.

how do i know if im acting?

i liked to say that life is intagible, its ambiguous, its vague.
you just cant define it, nor should you try.
you might just make the wrong judgement right? how can you guarantee that you'd do the justice to the many sides of life in one go?
maybe you should try, but dont convince yourself too hard.

recently, it feels as if life can be defined, just that im afraid to.
afraid to find that when i define it, i find myself not living a life.
afraid that when i define it, others try so hard living for it untill they lose themselves.

ahh, damn it.
i just wish, im smarter, better looking, more matured, more caring, more generous, more sensitive, less complicated, more innocent.

This is finally something in life that's hard.