leadership in drinking water.

What does it mean to be head of the household? What does it mean to submit? What does it mean by mutual submission? These are very big questions to answer before you walk into a relationship (or a disaster).

Does a submissive wife seat passive doing nothing? Are her suggestions an ungodly attempt to wrestle the leadership of the husband? I doubt that be the case. Being a helper, she is meant to make suggestions, what more, there are many things, we can plainly see, women are more proficient in. Isn't it terrible if we forgo such an advantage over a misunderstanding of what leadership is?

At the core of it I think it constitutes making the ultimate decision, whenever possible.
It may look like this:

Where shall we go for vacation dear?

I'm dry on ideas, what do you think?

I think we can go to cambodia, it is affordable, the food is akin and therefore acceptable to the chinese palate, the tourist spots are meaningful and worthwhile and if possible we can even visit an orphanage or two.

That's an excellent idea. Let's go cambodia.


In this scenario the wife arguably made up the meat of the final decision to go cambodia. It was entirely her idea and the motivations all dreamt up by her. However, being the head, the husband declares with finality that the family goes to cambodia, the wife submits because it is a wise decision (even though her own).

I don't think leadership means to have really original ideas and decisions, never incorporating anything the wife says. It's about making the final call.
In a sense, "what do you think?" is a far more biblical thing to say as compared to "you decide" though arguably, the decision to pass down the decision making is also leadership (so i guess it really depends on the heart which says it. Does it really say "i refuse to make a decision" or does it say "it is in my good pleasure to decide that you make the decision"?)

And so from across the table she pushes the bottle of water closer to me. It means "drink up, you'll feel better."

Initially, I didn't plan to drink it, but now I see the point. I recognize the good advice and I make a call. Picking the bottle up, I take the hearty swig. We're in a good position. Thank God.

http://dwynrhh6bluza.cloudfront.net/resources/documents/5165/bbmw_chapter_2.pdf?1340643132

Shamelessly

Seated across me is a long-standing inspiration. God knows my life has changed drastically ever since I had this inspiration on 25^th January. 
Oh, I’m also at the place where we first met. This is the Central Library where Tembusu’s Grease was held. 

It’s hard to imagine that only yesterday I let her in on perhaps the most devastating (relationship wise) secret I have. A secret many of you don’t even know. 

As we sat side by side on the bus, shoulders ever so slightly touching, I finished the sweet, the prayer and began to speak. I had rehearsed the moment countless times in my head, jolted to prayer because the it always went bad in my head. At that point in time, I said, “so, I’ve struggled with it since secondary 4...” and it just trailed off. Suddenly my tongue was dead and the air in my chest locked in. I was overwhelmed with unwillingness to speak, fear, fear that in my endeavor to love her more I would forfeit myself forever. My hands grasped around for hers. Finding them I recalled what I said before. 

Having her was never a goal I can secure. But being honest with her was something positively God glorifying, a goal which is good, a goal which I knew God’s goodness was fully behind, working towards its fruition. Knowing that, I told her all I could in a short brief account, an account she completed with her very own questions. 

“I’ll fight for you” she said. Leaning against my shoulder, my head on hers, we were at our physical closest. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually however, it was much much closer. I breathed deeply, her head was warm and comfortable, the warmth betraying a heart beating hard for the minutes passed. “Don’t break her heart tucky”, was heaven’s cry. 

I didn’t notice it, but now I do. On first glance it seems that I should have asked her to hold my hands, letting them go as soon as she knows she cannot accept me. In fact, this was how I had imagined it to be in the days leading up to it. But how it happened was opposite to that, I held her hands and I held them tight. 
What’s significant only became obvious when I told her this morning. 

For me it is obvious now that my pursuit of her cannot stem from a sense of deservedness. I don’t. Perhaps, if I were to speak for her, neither does she. Nobody deserves anyone in this wretched world. Recalling Genesis 2:22, God formed the woman and brought her to the man. If God delights in giving her to me, He will bring her to me. I think we have glorified God in this relationship, practicing copious amounts of self-control and making the effort to pray everytime we meet. That said, the many encounters with His grace in times of crisis... If He does not delight in watering this seed, then what? In a sketchy way, it is believable that God delights in giving her to me... Time will tell. 

And then she accepts me without my deserving of it. It’s so mind-bending. I don’t deserve her love but the last thing I can do is to reject it because of that. I accept her forgiveness, shamelessly, gratefully. 

Me holding onto her hands... Was significant because even though I’m undeserving, God gives grace. Even though I’m undeserving, she accepts me. Reaching out to hold her hands was significant of the war I’ll fight constantly, putting down my desire to feel deserving while trusting and having faith in both God and her faithfulness this seeming shameless act is my only response to their love for me. 

And so I shamelessly hold those hands, shameless not in an unrepentant way, but a rejection of deservedness and an embracing of grace... Through faith. 

无量仁慈，无量恩典

此恩能否 及我身

罪人之中由我为首

能否还能蒙主赦宥

恳求主你垂听

慈爱原是你的本性

众过犯求主赦免

我今俯伏主脚前

求使我诚心悔改

为我过犯感悲哀

过去悖逆今深悔

痛哭归主永远离罪。

Please. A true repentance

Joel 2:12-17 NASB

"Yet even now," declares the L ord , "Return to Me with all your heart, And with fasting, weeping and mourning; And rend your heart and not your garments." Now return to the L ord your God, For He is gracious and compassionate, Slow to anger, abounding in lovingkindness And relenting of evil. Who knows whether He will not turn and relent And leave a blessing behind Him, Even a grain offering and a drink offering For the L ord your God? Blow a trumpet in Zion, Consecrate a fast, proclaim a solemn assembly, Gather the people, sanctify the congregation, Assemble the elders, Gather the children and the nursing infants. Let the bridegroom come out of his room And the bride out of her bridal chamber. Let the priests, the L ord ' s ministers, Weep between the porch and the altar, And let them say, "Spare Your people, O L ord , And do not make Your inheritance a reproach, A byword among the nations. Why should they among the peoples say, 'Where is their God?'"

Dear Lord I think of this wednesday and shudder. By now I don't think my sin is unforgivable. However I fear that I don't find myself truly broken and repentant. 

Lead me to repent dear Lord! Rend my heart, let it be bear before you. Teach me and I'll learn, grant me an appetite and I'll thirst for You.

What God wants

2 jehovah witnesses came knocking on my door yesterday. Our conversation transversed many topics, but I didn't know that they were JW until the final moment.

Anyway, while I was talking we had this particular question. The woman asked me:

"What do you think God really wants from people?"

drawing from the bible studies we did this year, quickly, I replied that it is obedience. 

How does God intend obedience to happen? By faith. Faith in what? Promises. 

Hebrews 11:8 reveals that  “By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance.”

He obeyed by faith. The object of his faith was the promise, the inheritance that he would receive if he obeyed. 

Is this an exclusive incident? Not so, the bible often follows a command with a promise.
“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward” (Colossians 3:23–24).

Or love one another (command), by this the world will know you are my disciples (promise).

So this morning I was considering my disobedience and noticed that I've often gotten ahead of myself in the work of obedience. I think "nah, promises? It's okay, I can do it without any reward."

But I'm wrong. God's design is for the promises to motivate my obedience. However because the promises are not yet, I need to have faith in them, a trust that God will honour His word and fulfill His promises. This is what the bible means when it says "by faith Abraham obeyed", by faith in God that the promises will come to fruition, Abraham obeyed. 

Isn't this very... reward centric and not God centric then? It is reward centric if I don't read the bible well. But the bible does not shy from exerting that ultimately, God is the greatest reward to our every act of obedience. The omnipotent God Himself will be our help, He will be our God, our exceeding reward.

After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision: "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward." Genesis 15:1

Oh God help me to consider you as my reward. When I turn from obedience remind me of what I'm missing. Move my heart into enthusiastic surrender, give me the appetite for this great great reward. 

Arts camp endeavour

"Honestly, even when I was in O week, I felt my conscience troubled by the games, the cheers and the talk transpiring around me. I also wince at all the stories of how couples get together quickly after camps only to find each other unsuitable. We know that camps are intimate and more often than not the intimacy is but a euphoria. We know we should not cling to it, but this is one camp where they actually push you to perpetuate it..."


The evils of arts camp. They try to hard. It isn't an offer of friendship, they desire to make it stick.
"You must hang out with your OG even after camp ah!"
" See how the seniors keep coming back?"

Please. Why do they hold onto the romantic idea of making friends for life at camp? Why force it?

I'm attempting to spend some time to recount the reasons for which I heeded the call for volunteers. During O week I saw girls who were uncomfortable with the way things were, freshies who needed a senior to give them solid advice, to affirm their conscience, to provide a counter-culture but..
No matter how nice any of the seniors were, none of them could provide.

I want to be a provider of advice and comfort. I want to be more than a single-dimensional senior who tackles the hesitation of the campers by insisting the new norm. I want to talk them through their struggles... and hopefully show them how Christ is the superior energy behind my thoughts.

Dear Lord, the camp has yet to start and already I see myself disliking at least one of the people in the team. God I pray for myself, that I may remember my position as but a volunteer. As a volunteer I am to assist the group leader to my fullest capacity. Now I keep exalting the circumstances with which I agreed to help and tend to put on airs when I'm being ask to do something. Let this not be dear Lord, help me to be a humble servant with one mind, that is, to give the campers a wholesome experience through my assistance to the group leader.

And even as I feel like I'm being taken for granted, help me dear Lord to look towards you for my reward. My work is not in vain and neither are you blind, rewarding generously all who serve you. Let me turn my gaze towards you and be immensely satisfied.

Just as,
Colossians 3:22–24.
Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

I serve you, the Christ who loves me and gave Your life for me that I may no longer live for myself but for You. 

I pray also for the rest of the councillors, submitting them into Your hands. Will you use them Lord? For your sheep amongst the campers? Will you move the secular authority to do good to your elect present as surely as you have promised in Romans 8:28? Surely you will move them and I along, amidst them. 

Lord I pray for the campers too. I pray that you guard their hearts against temptation and so they begin to really enjoy their time together at games and sharing. God I pray you ignite your elect amongst them that they may shine like stars amidst this fallen generation. May there be a spectacle of Your glory O Lord. Cause me to crave and thirst for me, equip me to fight for it. Sustain me to strive for it and finally, open my eye to savour it. 

In Your most precious name,

Amen. 

1 samuel curiousities

Reading old testament books gives a glance into how the people in the past understood God.

Since C recommended me to read it this morning, I did.

Here are some of my thoughts:

1 Samuel 2:25
25 If one person sins against another, God[a] may mediate for the offender; but if anyone sins against the Lord, who will intercede for them?” His sons, however, did not listen to their father’s rebuke, for it was the Lord’s will to put them to death.

The way the words are phrased is curious here. There are like verses in other parts of the bible. Notice the author's reasoning of the death of Eli's sons: they'd die if they do not repent and they could not repent because God willed them to die because of their sins.
It's a stretch to say that God made them unable to repent. Mainstream theology understands that Man is fallen and incapable of repentance. So perhaps it is safer to say that God did not give them to means to repent because He somehow wanted their death. There's this age long question here, our Lord who does not wish any to perish but all to be saved (2 peter 3:9) is at this moment willing the demise of these 2 guys.


1 Samuel 3:14
14 Therefore I swore to the house of Eli, ‘The guilt of Eli’s house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.’”
 What is the meaning of this? In doing bible overview we repeatedly discussed this. While the day of atonement exists to cleanse the sins of the people, there were tell tale signs that it was not sufficient.
1. An entire generation of Israelites were doomed to perish before they even saw the promise land. (12-13 numbers).
2. Despite cleansing, it remains that not everyone could enter the Holy of Holies.
3. Logic of Hebrews 8-10. If it were effectual, it'd only have to be done once.

Is this case in 1 sam 3:14 an explicit mention of God not allowing guilt to be atoned by sacrifice? Did the same thing happen to those who perished in the desert? Quite possibly so!


1 Samuel 3:19-20
19 The Lord was with Samuel as he grew up, and he let none of Samuel’s words fall to the ground. 20 And all Israel from Dan to Beersheba recognized that Samuel was attested as a prophet of the Lord.

Heard it often in sunday school class that a proof of a prophet was not in the few prophecies they got correct, but that they were correct 100% of the time. These verses here reveals how the Israelites saw the act of prophesying: God telling man, man pronouncing the prophecy and finally God actively acts to ensure the fulfillment of it.
I used to think of prophecy as like... a reading of the future. Here it seems that it is a little more. It is like a goal setting which is then divinely attained. It feels more than a "this will happen", it sounds like a "I will make this happen". In prophecy God is revealing a portion of the future... but more than that, He commits Himself to making it happen.  

it means it doesn't matter

Have you ever heard an answer to a question and felt that it was so awfully balanced that there was no ground to take a stand at all?

I have. Naturally our response to such answers is to ask "why answer at all?"
The brash ones amongst us may hazard a "how is that even an answer?"

What if the answer was good? What if the problem's with the question itself?

I think such bland vague answers sometimes correspond to questions not worth asking.
Reading Hebrews I wondered: was it easier to believe in God in the past (Exodus times)?
I can think of arguments for both sides. I don't see a clear answer to the question... but now I see more.
I see that this question is not worth grabbing onto as though my life depended on it.


and so... I move on.

my thoughts

Jeremiah 9:23-24

"Thus says the LORD: "Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD.""

Hi C, you wondered why I haven't blogged. I think I didn't really know the reason, but now I catch a glimpse of it. 

Life has been far too smooth sailing. There was nothing to blog about. 

But today there is. For the shock I could not express (talking to you is so enjoyable it creates this euphoria that everything's okay), I spill it now. 

I found my source of discomfort and it is remarkable that I find it in a verse from which many find comfort instead.

You see, the Lord delights in people understanding and knowing Him. In people with eyes and appetite to take in and make much of the love, justice and righteousness God displays in the earth. 

Yeah so it seems odd that we should insult God by thinking that his delight in us diminishes when we under perform in something as peripheral as our academic results. Then I realise that... we cannot assume to know the Lord. Too many too quickly find comfort in what can be a terrifying verse. 

Unwilling to continue my folly, I shall not be foolishly comforted. I don't want to think: oh, I haven't done well but God delights in knowing Him so I guess He still delights in me.

Does He? Is He pleased... because have I lived my life reflecting the knowing of Him?

I'm afraid not!

There is not rest in this for me! There is no escape. 

I have to repent. I must repent for having not known the Lord. My results are but the symptoms, the real illness is not knowing Him. 

Someday I will know the joy in this verse. Maybe a while later. Not now, or rather, not from under performing. 

Disclaimer: I have reflected and of this I'm sure. I'm sure that my under performance is highly related to my attitude which stems from my understanding of God. The modules were neither difficult nor was saturday hard to remember. God does not desire for us to repent recklessly and so I don't.