Just submitted my iem first draft this morning.
The teacher was extremely kind with his words, though he was obviously unhappy with how i took liberty with the dateline.
1040 was by no means Monday morning. He tells me he may not have time to finish reading the paper before our consultation in the afternoon.
I felt like reiterating the fact that I had two assignments the previous week and I didn't have time... But.. I did have time despite the two assignments and so my protest held fast in my throat.
I'm sick and tired of this barely-make-it, hammered together sort of work. God has always given me enough time to do all that I have to accomplish.
let us consider how to live our lives. Not as unwise, but as wise because the days are evil.
I don't want to dance to the devil's rhythm.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Monday, March 24, 2014
GG Essay
I might have placed my faith in the clause which stated that adventurous essays will be rewarded... too far.
I was writing this essay on the external and internal history of Old English and then suddenly I had this idea and I investigated the logic of speculating about missing accounts of external history through deduction from internal history.
Arguing that it was a logical fallacy, an affirmation of the consequence, I commented that we should be trying harder when figuring out history since the past is a foreign country and our duty is to make our best guess we should really be doing our best guessing... and for starters, do away with methods which aren't even logical to begin with.
But that's really... hijacking a linguistics paper with philosophy isn't it?
I feel sort of cross, I actually began research on this essay since a long time back but I spent a lot of time flirting with topics which were beyond me.
When I finally settled on one (that is, wrote beyond 400 words for it), I realised that I needed to invoke something which I cannot be sure will receive the professor's approval.
I can really, really, really, do so much better.
I hereby pledge to spend my summer break reading linguistics books.
I was writing this essay on the external and internal history of Old English and then suddenly I had this idea and I investigated the logic of speculating about missing accounts of external history through deduction from internal history.
Arguing that it was a logical fallacy, an affirmation of the consequence, I commented that we should be trying harder when figuring out history since the past is a foreign country and our duty is to make our best guess we should really be doing our best guessing... and for starters, do away with methods which aren't even logical to begin with.
But that's really... hijacking a linguistics paper with philosophy isn't it?
I feel sort of cross, I actually began research on this essay since a long time back but I spent a lot of time flirting with topics which were beyond me.
When I finally settled on one (that is, wrote beyond 400 words for it), I realised that I needed to invoke something which I cannot be sure will receive the professor's approval.
I can really, really, really, do so much better.
I hereby pledge to spend my summer break reading linguistics books.
Monday, March 17, 2014
1 thessalonians 5:18
Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ.
Have I ever been in circumstances in which giving thanks was difficult? I think yes, but really rarely.
Today I just want to say that even though I have 4 essays ahead of me and I feel extremely stressed sometimes... I can see that I have time ahead. Somehow, somehow time is still plenty.
Let me get straight to work. I can't think of a better way to give thanks to God for the time He has given me.
Have I ever been in circumstances in which giving thanks was difficult? I think yes, but really rarely.
Today I just want to say that even though I have 4 essays ahead of me and I feel extremely stressed sometimes... I can see that I have time ahead. Somehow, somehow time is still plenty.
Let me get straight to work. I can't think of a better way to give thanks to God for the time He has given me.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
13 I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory.
In ephesians 3:1-13, Paul encourages the ephesians who were discouraged upon hearing that he was thrown into prison because he preached the gospel to the gentiles (which includes them).
Paul talks about how his suffering is but part of the plan, the revealed mystery of God's intention to also make the gentiles heirs along with Israel. In verse 13 he puts his intentions explicitly: do not be discouraged because of my sufferings for you.
In fact, be encouraged, for they are for your glory.
Attempting to make an application out of it, I summarised it as such
The beneficiary is encouraged by the suffering of the benefactor in service.
But I also noticed that it is possible to suffer in ministry in a way which discourages people. There must be a good way to suffer and a bad way. Here's the really big lesson:
There's bound to be suffering in ministry. Don't waste it by suffering badly. Suffer it well.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
The Son of God
Nathanael answered him, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!
John 1:49.
This never really occurred to me until today. Whenever the Jews called Jesus the Son of God, what did they have in mind? Where in the Old Testament was the notion of "Son of God" written? Why were people acquainted with the phrase?
I think we'll find that "Son of God" refers to "King of Israel". The promised Davidic King.
"He shall build a house for my name, and I will establish the throne of his kingdom forever. I will be to him a father, and he shall be to me a son"
2 Samuel 7:13-14.
So they were really thinking of: you are the Son of God, the Promised King of Israel!
I guess it's worth mentioning this because many of us have the misconception as we read the bible that whenever someone said "Son of God" they had in mind the person from the trinity.
I think the historical background leaves us with little reason to think so.
John 1:49.
This never really occurred to me until today. Whenever the Jews called Jesus the Son of God, what did they have in mind? Where in the Old Testament was the notion of "Son of God" written? Why were people acquainted with the phrase?
I think we'll find that "Son of God" refers to "King of Israel". The promised Davidic King.
"He shall build a house for my name, and I will establish the throne of his kingdom forever. I will be to him a father, and he shall be to me a son"
2 Samuel 7:13-14.
So they were really thinking of: you are the Son of God, the Promised King of Israel!
I guess it's worth mentioning this because many of us have the misconception as we read the bible that whenever someone said "Son of God" they had in mind the person from the trinity.
I think the historical background leaves us with little reason to think so.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Setback
I don't intend to conceal this, but I hesitate to tell any of my friends about it.
I didn't do well for my mid terms, if anything, I did badly.
Initially, I wondered if it was because I am stupid. Upon looking at the answers, I came to a conclusion about 3 contributing factors.
1. The expectation: I spent too much time elaborating on my answers when the teacher was really only after very brief answers. As a result, I ran out of time and couldn't capitalise on the cheap questions at the end. Furthermore, an attempt to explain beyond my means meant that some answers which would have been accepted when written superficially, became open to criticism when explicated.
2. The weight. Each question was generically weighed at 5 marks regardless of difficulty. As a result, the scores can really fluctuate.
3. Insufficient Revision. There were some questions which were give-aways. But I wasn't ready to capitalise on them because there were some concepts I left hairy in my brain.
I don't want to brood over this... nor have friends thinking I'm really affected when I'm only slightly affected. I guess I should work hard on everything else since there is about 85% left to claim.
May I pay attention and invest effort and write those good essays.
I didn't do well for my mid terms, if anything, I did badly.
Initially, I wondered if it was because I am stupid. Upon looking at the answers, I came to a conclusion about 3 contributing factors.
1. The expectation: I spent too much time elaborating on my answers when the teacher was really only after very brief answers. As a result, I ran out of time and couldn't capitalise on the cheap questions at the end. Furthermore, an attempt to explain beyond my means meant that some answers which would have been accepted when written superficially, became open to criticism when explicated.
2. The weight. Each question was generically weighed at 5 marks regardless of difficulty. As a result, the scores can really fluctuate.
3. Insufficient Revision. There were some questions which were give-aways. But I wasn't ready to capitalise on them because there were some concepts I left hairy in my brain.
I don't want to brood over this... nor have friends thinking I'm really affected when I'm only slightly affected. I guess I should work hard on everything else since there is about 85% left to claim.
May I pay attention and invest effort and write those good essays.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Photography and Me
Some may wonder why I just shelled out 1.5k buying a macbook pro. The reason is simple, I regret selling my macbook air... and now I want to purchase something that can put me back into the business of photo and video editing.
Not-so-formal dinner just ended and already the photos are up. The likes and comments are coming in. I've experienced this so often I dare say that it's not any personal gratification (though sure I filter out the photos which are badly taken or are empty and meaningless). I enjoy it, I enjoy that friends are teasing each other, parents are putting their awkward proud-of-you likes and participants are given a second shot and tasting the fun they had.
And this is the very... introverted side of me. Taking pictures by a corner and worrying if there may not be any good photos to remember the event by. It's how I sit out, and involve myself both at the same time.
Believe me, it's sometimes a struggle too. Especially when it comes to sports. Do I want to be by the side, do I want to be speaking, commenting, engaged in the spectating? Do I want to be part of the sport? Do I want to go out there and perform?
But enjoy it. I still do. I'm deeply sorry I sold my macbook air away without thinking. I won't err that way again.
Not-so-formal dinner just ended and already the photos are up. The likes and comments are coming in. I've experienced this so often I dare say that it's not any personal gratification (though sure I filter out the photos which are badly taken or are empty and meaningless). I enjoy it, I enjoy that friends are teasing each other, parents are putting their awkward proud-of-you likes and participants are given a second shot and tasting the fun they had.
And this is the very... introverted side of me. Taking pictures by a corner and worrying if there may not be any good photos to remember the event by. It's how I sit out, and involve myself both at the same time.
Believe me, it's sometimes a struggle too. Especially when it comes to sports. Do I want to be by the side, do I want to be speaking, commenting, engaged in the spectating? Do I want to be part of the sport? Do I want to go out there and perform?
But enjoy it. I still do. I'm deeply sorry I sold my macbook air away without thinking. I won't err that way again.
Sunday, March 09, 2014
what God is like
God is like a lover I have known for a long time
I know when I speak of Him
the familiarity unmistakable
the understanding sure.
Hidden away from frivolous inspection
However
the wonder is missing
the euphoria which accompanies
is missing, the thirst sated
not satisfied.
but He overcomes
for He is the Lord who heals the blind.
those moments are like
falling in love over
over and over again.
as miraculous as it seems
the rekindling of love
this is not His pinnacle
I know,
He intends it to be forever.
I know when I speak of Him
the familiarity unmistakable
the understanding sure.
Hidden away from frivolous inspection
However
the wonder is missing
the euphoria which accompanies
is missing, the thirst sated
not satisfied.
but He overcomes
for He is the Lord who heals the blind.
those moments are like
falling in love over
over and over again.
as miraculous as it seems
the rekindling of love
this is not His pinnacle
I know,
He intends it to be forever.
Saturday, March 08, 2014
The undefended leader
Yes, so I actually read leadership books. I say this half ashamed, knowing how I've probably presented myself to be someone who is generally against self-help books, believing that if you just think enough, you'll be the one doing the writing and not the reading.
The defensive leader is one who attempts to set-up an invincible front stage when in reality he is full of unmet needs, insecurities etc. in his backstage. The undefended leader is the one who comes to terms with his short comings and is frank with his own needs.
(thought I bet you a leader still needs to aspire to strength and not be a needy bugger)
But I'm thinking of something else really. This undefended leader thing is quite an old game for me. My comm members know how useless I am. They know how hard I struggle to work. hahaha.
I'm thinking about general defensiveness, and perhaps, specifically an anxiety to show off for the fear that people don't see me for how awesome I really am.
Why do I want them to think that I am awesome? That's an important question really, because I've been thinking recently that maybe I'd rather be a simple person so everyone don't jump on me the moment they need someone to do something.
Is it because I lived much of my life in relative social isolation that I've come to think of relations and relations of admiration in the sense
"they can't possibly enjoy being around me if they don't think I'm any good"
"therefore if they can enjoy being around me if I can make them think that I'm good".
... oh wait. Choir. Let me continue this post later.
The defensive leader is one who attempts to set-up an invincible front stage when in reality he is full of unmet needs, insecurities etc. in his backstage. The undefended leader is the one who comes to terms with his short comings and is frank with his own needs.
(thought I bet you a leader still needs to aspire to strength and not be a needy bugger)
But I'm thinking of something else really. This undefended leader thing is quite an old game for me. My comm members know how useless I am. They know how hard I struggle to work. hahaha.
I'm thinking about general defensiveness, and perhaps, specifically an anxiety to show off for the fear that people don't see me for how awesome I really am.
Why do I want them to think that I am awesome? That's an important question really, because I've been thinking recently that maybe I'd rather be a simple person so everyone don't jump on me the moment they need someone to do something.
Is it because I lived much of my life in relative social isolation that I've come to think of relations and relations of admiration in the sense
"they can't possibly enjoy being around me if they don't think I'm any good"
"therefore if they can enjoy being around me if I can make them think that I'm good".
... oh wait. Choir. Let me continue this post later.
The songs are more demanding
[ Give Of Your Best To The Master ]
- Give of your best to the Master;
Give of the strength of your youth;
Throw your soul's fresh,
glowing ardor Into the battle for truth.
Jesus has set the example,
Dauntless was He, young and brave;
Give Him your loyal devotion,
give Him the best that you have.
- Give of your best to the Master;
Naught else is worthy His love;
He gave Himself for your ransom,
Gave up His glory above;
Laid down His life without murmur,
You from sin's ruin to save;
Give Him your heart's adoration,
Give Him the best that you have.
Give of your best to the Master;
Give of the strength of your youth;
Clad in salvation's full armor, Join in the battle for truth.
Sometimes I find myself wondering if I even know what I am singing.
The songs are more demanding than I think as I sing.
This song's pattern is something like this:
A command: give of your best to the Master
Reasons:
1) Because Jesus did it, and we are to follow him.
2) Because he is super awesome: He gave you His best.
These 2 reasons ought to inspire us to give our best to God. But do I consider its implications?
For starters, what will giving my best be?
When I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do is to check my phone... am I giving my best?
When I busy myself the whole day and give those struggling moments before bed to Him, am I giving my best?
When only the morsels of time I spend alone (walking alone, or on the bus alone) I give to Him, am I giving my best?
When working on my Sunday school lesson I let myself be distracted with facebook and youtube, have I given Him the best?
What would giving God the best look like? How intentional will it be? How freaky will it sound like to an unbeliever, how much of a difference will it be?
As I reach this consideration, I feel sort of alone. I don't even know if any Christians will be willing to try, with me, to live their lives giving their best to God. It's only 11:30, I'm done with Sunday school planning (more or less). This morning... not bad la.
How indeed, how shall I live the next 3 hours giving my best to you?
I really seldom agree
I was just looking at some of the top news on facebook and I realized that Edric just made a proposal or something. Naturally, the first question which came to my mind was...
What about me? What have I been doing in my life lately?
I guess I am socialized to think of early engagements as a very very big deal in Singapore. 24, proposed, proposal accepted. Wow.
But really, I was thinking more about the conversation I had with Joshua about going on an exchange.
Recently I wondered if I had a solid reason for not going, then again, I think that you need a solid reason to go as well, especially if there are many things you are leaving behind.
So perhaps for me it's just... I'm just unwilling to leave my ministries in church behind... oh wait.. or am I just lazy to sign up. LOL.
But instead, I wrap it all up in clever logic about how it is possibly an easier life overseas and hence the whole talk about being independent is moot. (I still think it is moot, but let me go on)
However, his point about experiencing a culture as a minority in that culture.. was actually a pretty strong point. Now why on earth did I insist that these days the school brings the exchange to you. Sure, there are flocks of Caucasians in university town and everyone knows they graze on her beautiful field everyday. If anyone wanted to know their culture, I argued, they should really prove it by talking to these guys who have "brought the exchange over".
So this morning I was contemplating these stuff while taking the lift down for breakfast (yes indeed, a minute in real life can be a thousand years in the mind). Is it that difficult to say "oops, glad you mentioned that, it didn't occur to me at all."
I can really do much better.
What about me? What have I been doing in my life lately?
I guess I am socialized to think of early engagements as a very very big deal in Singapore. 24, proposed, proposal accepted. Wow.
But really, I was thinking more about the conversation I had with Joshua about going on an exchange.
Recently I wondered if I had a solid reason for not going, then again, I think that you need a solid reason to go as well, especially if there are many things you are leaving behind.
So perhaps for me it's just... I'm just unwilling to leave my ministries in church behind... oh wait.. or am I just lazy to sign up. LOL.
But instead, I wrap it all up in clever logic about how it is possibly an easier life overseas and hence the whole talk about being independent is moot. (I still think it is moot, but let me go on)
However, his point about experiencing a culture as a minority in that culture.. was actually a pretty strong point. Now why on earth did I insist that these days the school brings the exchange to you. Sure, there are flocks of Caucasians in university town and everyone knows they graze on her beautiful field everyday. If anyone wanted to know their culture, I argued, they should really prove it by talking to these guys who have "brought the exchange over".
So this morning I was contemplating these stuff while taking the lift down for breakfast (yes indeed, a minute in real life can be a thousand years in the mind). Is it that difficult to say "oops, glad you mentioned that, it didn't occur to me at all."
I can really do much better.
Friday, March 07, 2014
Blind Sided
There are days when... typing on the keyboard of this tablet while waiting for the photos to process, tells me that I may have made a foolish decision.
When I bought the tablet it may have been a case of tunnel vision, thinking that I really really really needed the pen function when... perhaps I don't.
Has it served me well? Yes, I've been able to annotate on all my slides and I have saved lots of paper doing my readings on the tablet, and then even adding the occasional scribble. Is this superior to printing your notes and annotating on them? I'm not too sure.
For one, you cannot refer to your notes that easily because they're on the same machine as you're doing your typing. In a sense, it is far better to just have a cheaper tablet, like an ipad or something, and retain the laptop if you're really after saving paper.
Speaking of which, your choice of gadgets really does have an impact on your life style. I realized that I've been taking fewer photos and totally ignoring video projects ever since I sold that MacBook air away.
But on a brighter note, no one has been able to compel me to squander my time in those regrettable late night games.
I guess some lessons are just learnt this way. With that in mind, it is best for me to slow it down and... think.
When I bought the tablet it may have been a case of tunnel vision, thinking that I really really really needed the pen function when... perhaps I don't.
Has it served me well? Yes, I've been able to annotate on all my slides and I have saved lots of paper doing my readings on the tablet, and then even adding the occasional scribble. Is this superior to printing your notes and annotating on them? I'm not too sure.
For one, you cannot refer to your notes that easily because they're on the same machine as you're doing your typing. In a sense, it is far better to just have a cheaper tablet, like an ipad or something, and retain the laptop if you're really after saving paper.
Speaking of which, your choice of gadgets really does have an impact on your life style. I realized that I've been taking fewer photos and totally ignoring video projects ever since I sold that MacBook air away.
But on a brighter note, no one has been able to compel me to squander my time in those regrettable late night games.
I guess some lessons are just learnt this way. With that in mind, it is best for me to slow it down and... think.
Thursday, March 06, 2014
what can I say? Dear Lord You know that I'm lonely.
http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/20-quotes-on-loneliness
And our heart cry should not merely be, ‘I do bad things because I’m lonely, so someone come keep me company, make me feel better.’ Our deep heart cry should be, ‘I’m lonely because I’m a sinner in a dark and fallen world. God help me.'
“Sometimes we call ‘loneliness’ what God’s word calls a longing for unhindered intimacy with him and others. And we start thinking that other people can provide us what only God can provide. And it amazes me how often I call ‘loneliness’ what is actually a groaning for redemption. And instead of trying to numb it I should embrace it and try to realize that it’s God’s good gift to me to remind me that this world is not my home.”
http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/20-quotes-on-loneliness
And our heart cry should not merely be, ‘I do bad things because I’m lonely, so someone come keep me company, make me feel better.’ Our deep heart cry should be, ‘I’m lonely because I’m a sinner in a dark and fallen world. God help me.'
“Sometimes we call ‘loneliness’ what God’s word calls a longing for unhindered intimacy with him and others. And we start thinking that other people can provide us what only God can provide. And it amazes me how often I call ‘loneliness’ what is actually a groaning for redemption. And instead of trying to numb it I should embrace it and try to realize that it’s God’s good gift to me to remind me that this world is not my home.”
Lent? let me have a piece of it
Many of my friends are writing about the things they're gonna fast for lent.
Most of them are going after facebook.
Facebook? Nah that's not quite a challenge for me.
I think... I think I'll fast youtube. Yeah, let me fast youtube. Better still, League of Legends as a whole.
Sometimes I feel like the kid C.S. Lewis describes as being contented with playing with mudpies because it cannot imagine a day at the beach.
I shift my life around my workload at school, filling up free time with unproductive watching of tournament videos.
Should I not envision a radically different life? I should.
Most of them are going after facebook.
Facebook? Nah that's not quite a challenge for me.
I think... I think I'll fast youtube. Yeah, let me fast youtube. Better still, League of Legends as a whole.
Sometimes I feel like the kid C.S. Lewis describes as being contented with playing with mudpies because it cannot imagine a day at the beach.
I shift my life around my workload at school, filling up free time with unproductive watching of tournament videos.
Should I not envision a radically different life? I should.
Wednesday, March 05, 2014
handing it to God
When I feel a surge of desire
when I dismay that I may not have it,
I sit up and put my hands together in prayer.
For fear that the thing has become my idol
I pray in surrender.
For fear that I forget you're in control
I pray in submission
For fear that I forget that all I have was given
I pray in remorse.
God, do you not know what the best things are for me?
Do you not work miracles?
Is not time, the hearts of man
firmly seated in your hands?
Let me pray, then let me work
Let me trust till it leaves my grasping mind.
when I dismay that I may not have it,
I sit up and put my hands together in prayer.
For fear that the thing has become my idol
I pray in surrender.
For fear that I forget you're in control
I pray in submission
For fear that I forget that all I have was given
I pray in remorse.
God, do you not know what the best things are for me?
Do you not work miracles?
Is not time, the hearts of man
firmly seated in your hands?
Let me pray, then let me work
Let me trust till it leaves my grasping mind.
Saturday, March 01, 2014
a little boy and a little money
So I was approaching church today when I saw this small boy asking for money from an auntie who flatly refused him. As I walked closer he turned to me, he made his request
Curiously, it wasn't money.
"can you help me buy food?" was his convoluted request. I didn't catch what he wanted on the first try.
But anyway, he was tasked by his family to get lunch for everyone with 7 dollars but he went and lost 4 dollars on the way. As I was in a rush, I asked him if he could go get the food himself. Passing him 4 dollars, I told him to run quickly to get the food because his family's probably really hungry now waiting for him to return.
There's this strange feeling that I got conned and turns out highly possible because the next moment my church friend was telling me about how she met a similar kid twice, asking for money, last year.
I don't know. For me, 4 dollars is but the money I use to save my ass when I dilly dally too much and cab to church. So why not help this little guy out if he really needed the money or guilt trip him if he has indeed been cheating money.
Curiously, it wasn't money.
"can you help me buy food?" was his convoluted request. I didn't catch what he wanted on the first try.
But anyway, he was tasked by his family to get lunch for everyone with 7 dollars but he went and lost 4 dollars on the way. As I was in a rush, I asked him if he could go get the food himself. Passing him 4 dollars, I told him to run quickly to get the food because his family's probably really hungry now waiting for him to return.
There's this strange feeling that I got conned and turns out highly possible because the next moment my church friend was telling me about how she met a similar kid twice, asking for money, last year.
I don't know. For me, 4 dollars is but the money I use to save my ass when I dilly dally too much and cab to church. So why not help this little guy out if he really needed the money or guilt trip him if he has indeed been cheating money.
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