Give thanks, for everything

Been reading this book called "the gift of pain" by dr brand and Philip Yancey.
This book talks about Brand's experience with people who cannot feel pain. From the chapters I've read so far, it is those who are born with pain indifference (a strange, rare condition where the feeling of pain is not offensive to the individual, but rather somewhat tingly and possibly enjoyable, perhaps like when we give ourselves a good scratch on that itch) and leprosy which is worse perhaps because there is no sense of feeling at all.

It talks about how kids born with pain indifference bite their own fingers, chew their own tongue, twist their angles and destroy their joints all because they have bodies which cannot process the information of danger and so they self-destruct in their repeated, innocent abuses.
These children largely do not live beyond 25. I mean, think about it, imagine if you never felt the pain from touching a hot kettle. Imagine if breaking your bones merely gave you a tingly sensation. Imagine if the first time you very accidentally fell from great heights was a painless experience. How would one conceive the danger of a fire? How will one know the threat of gravity? Impossible.

Then there are the lepers and stories of how they mindlessly use their stubby hands to retrieve a hot potato which has fallen into a pile of hot coals. Or that enthusiastic patient, whose enthusiasm sent him running across the courtyard to greet the doctor, forgetting his dislocated ankle, breaking and losing it for good in the run and winding up with his leg amputated as a result.

They say that leprosy is the disease of the poor and leprosy results in the loss of nerves and thus the loss of physical feeling.
Is it possible that a sort of emotional/spiritual leprosy exists... and this time round it is a disease of the rich? A bacteria eating furiously at our capacity to feel, making us uncompassionate, uncaring, unfeeling, selfish. The most tragic of news is but a tingle... a possibly enjoyable tingle. We talk, we gossip, but it does not hurt us in any way.

And so I saw that when we recognize tragedies and tragedies, when we are acutely aware of the bad and evil, the suffering in this world, we ought to thank God. The capacity to perceive pain is not something we can simply take for granted, worse, to wish away. Because many are born without it, and many more acquire its deficience.

Dr Brand once feared that he has become a leper when he could not feel his legs. Poking furiously at it with a needle, despairing because he felt no pain. Falling into a fitful sleep, he awoke. This time, when the needle punctured the skin to his heel he yelped in pain. Tears of joy streamed from his eyes when he realized that his nerve was merely deactivated the night before due to bad blood flow. As he slept the nerve came back to life.

When sufferings come, when I am in pain, let me at least give thanks to God. His mercy has seen to it that I should not lose my capacity to know pain. That I should not become a reckless juggernaut on path to his physical demise, nor a cold calculative prig who is on a rampage to hell.

Thank You.

Unknown Anger

 Stepping into yisin’s house brought a mix of emotions. A sense of awe at its sheer size, an admiration for the person who worked into making it monetarily possible and the brilliance of the architect as well as the diligence of the constructor.

But looking at the sheer extravagance, the swimming pool, the sprawling compound, the decor certainly evoked an anger in me. I don’t really know what it is about. In my more sober moments I think it’s a sort of jealousy. I wonder what sort of person I’ll be if I lived so comfortably. I wonder what sort of person I’ll be if I have a nice big home with which to invite friends down. A home where perhaps my cell will look forward to entering weekly. A home which has everything, just naturally attractive.

I also wonder why I live in a country with such severe inequality. People who own such homes can literally own castles overseas. We live in Singapore where the HDB is the default… yet some are living as though they were in America… and more. 

These little things invade my mind. I cannot help but feel that sense of indignation as I sit on this carpeted floor with my tablet resting on this low, transparent black glass table. Two fans move the air above me because of the sheer size of this living room. Behind me is a big swimming pool and there’s a huge tank of fish just existing, the fish nonchalantly, obliviously swimming away.

The house has a basement, and when need be, water can be made to run down a manmade fall, sure to be a spectacle when viewed from the basement. 

If I ever have the money will I do this? Why would anyone do it?
I think I just got the bottom of the source of my anger.

acceleration

This Yun Nan trip is definitely not one that is going most smoothly, it is understandable since many of us have spent much of our time fussing over other things like school and exams.

Things like cost spike, suddenly new assignments... God I only ask for one thing:
Help me to trust You, help me to be strong.
Let me experience You thoroughly.