totally loser, in and out.

just thinking, arent expectations meant to drive us?
why, they are driving me to the grave!

why the hell, mr aw, did you sign up some fail-dude
for that humanities competition? did you really think
if im actually anywhere good?

why the hell send me for those shooting competitions
did sending me there, make us win anything?
just send another lamer, lamer doesnt have to be me.

what on earth am i supposed to comment on
if the education system in singapore is meant for
making a living- or living a life.
i dont get it, write for wat? it doesnt concern anything.

without motivation, sincerity's bleak

im tired, my bones are retarded.

just

just a wannabe
not the original.
an imitation
fluctuating standards.

almost there
but never there
almost there
yet nothing compared.

semi cultured
what a shame
a mixture
of goodness and bad
oh look they simply
disapprove each other.

i dun wanna be a wannabe.
i'll be others' wannabe
which is yet to be

oh how many be s!

the point

after all that pointless shooting everywhere
but all missing the point, here's the point
-im feeling useless and worthless.

ok gasp a few more times, and lets get back on track.
gasp
gasp
gasp
gasp!

ok lets continue then, with something a little dry
no its not beer.

things to look forward to!

physics test tomorrow ( can top or not?)
e math test tomorrow
beating amanda in chinese (if not trashing)
shopping on saturday
steamboat at alicia's on saturday
the guan huai zi ye
the ending school term.
the made-by-mence computer.

oh but dang, i failed history test
so must re-test.
the problem is, scoring for retest is nothing
cauz you'll only get the passing mark, which i missed
by half.
eh.....

those cute cute eyes were looking at me
hold on a minute
did you just think you could glance into me for free?

we dont understand whats not fed to us
haha, just wondering, do we know wat we are feeding
to others?

probably most of the time, now dare you say
all the time.

some misconceptions we always have, arouses from simple selfishness. we think, hmph after MY consideration, that is, indeed absolutely right! for short, IM right!
well, peep a little deeper, open the eyes a little wider.

here goes

why exactly do we, work for God, or love God for?
- main focus is the word love, isit for real?!

well, face-off with the facts right here, we are christians
because we simply dont want to burn in hell.
why not lets take this perception off, and look again.

why dont we see it as, a pleasure to love God, and a bonus
to drink Coke in heaven instead of burning in hell?

second. what does it take, for you to be called christian
ok, the factor abt going to church justifying your identity
is overly ridiculous, so lets not even bother to look at it
im not saying you should be a christian who abhors the church
im just saying that church doesnt make you a christian, God does.

a smart alec's answer.
- oh well sir, its pretty simple, you must believe in our Lord,
whom is the Lord christ jesus.

well, thats almost there, you missed out a wee bit.
its the reason why we believe
do we believe in God, so that we wont burn in hell?
or do we believe in God so that we command the riches?
do we believe in God for free medication?
or do we believe such that we control the weather?

all wrong, we believe, because we are sinners
and he is the way, and we need him, for we all sin
thats why we believe him.

ok i can hear skeptics uttering faint murmers already
haha, absorb well, all this IS important.

drugged

from when if first started, till it finally ends
many encounters, count those three
from pool, to another.
from those pools the the playground.
i had lived through them unbelievingly
but im sure i dont know my destiny.
reality has passed and im done.

those eyes in that cozy place
i knew that for that moment
in your heart i had a space
i wanted to reach out
and show you the same
but alas, fate is to be blamed.


those times of estasy.
been talking for many more doses
i cant live life not being numb
i cant do without that dose of imbalance
i cant see lights that dont dazzle

but you can. Run away my estasy
when you cant be a part of me, run away.
run so far, i cant feel you.
run so far, i'll take this alone suffer alone
through that cold turkey, through the humiliation
through reality, through life

if only if i was better, if only i was worth it
im not, i lack materialistically
neither am i great spiritually
im retarded mentally
if only if i was worth something more

if only if im not some insolent loser
if only if i perservered
if only if i listenned
if only if i threw myself away.
if only i make ifs not ifs, NOW

but i cant, i cant do that while being sane
i cant knock my"self" out now that you're away
i cant do this alone, neither can i do this with you
im in a messy dilemma, im feeling crazy
why dont you tell me
if you loved me?

stop dont tell me
its always him
i never had it

if we saw

if what we saw, compliments what we think
i wonder why, we dont see. unless of course we dont think.
i wished people start seeing what your pal is worth
dont stretch him to that every single penny

taking a look, all requirements, expectations penned.
have you ever asked him, if its the work he could bear?
did you ask him how he felt, starting learning
from square one?

NO

well its a sunday today, lets quit abusing the blog.
maybe its the monday's blues setting in
or maybe its just those vivid recounts you have proved
or maybe in between those lines, i had a word to say
maybe you were too busy, you just gave it a miss.

painting it out, everything's fine
just take a look, at the ugly behind.

im hopelessly talented.
talented with invisible talents
i decide if they exist
i make my magic and they dont.
and i make my magic again
maybe they might come again.

humanities, math. languages and stroke of that art
music, running. that stroke of the wrist.

its hidden so you wouldnt see
you wouldnt see cauz its not meant to be

the sky is painted crimson red
that body, a strong, but fading blue.
contrasts working merrily
this is such an irony..

the deck is that noisy.
screams and shouts, musical disasters
all of that, could be a dream
if so, that migh just be cozy

cauz im standing on the sky
and drowing so high
i played on this emo-ness
i swore i could fly
silence was a scream
dreamy reality
uncontrollable stability
the motionless spinning.
that sad blank face
a smile of misery
confidence in emptiness
almost breaking into pieces

I abused the blog
on this lovely sunday.

physical decomposition

i dunno why, but my body's just screwing up.
its like... i ran 2.4, my knees were frozen
every step was a painful
every step tore at my stamina
every step ripped my conscious off

after i run i coughed away,
an imagined flam just stood in the way.
coughed till my eyes blanked out.
gasping for breath like i was drowned.

after i recovered i played some badminton
smashed and smashed like i would do
in those games which lasted for an hour or two
smashing throughout was no mean feat.
but that 10mins of badminton,
drew everything out from my arm.
couldnt stand, couldnt move

well ok enough
haha during ncc, i went to the gym
my arms were still a little screwed. but
i did about 50 assisted pull ups.
and all the time using 20lbs of assist
omg im such a weakling sucker.
well, tried other stuff too
now im like aching all over and stuff
well, good news is, im almost done with hw
guess i'll just finish it now and slack tomorrow.

isit the same everywhere

yesterday, got back home, slacked.
after slacking i went to sleep
waking up at 730, my throat was in hell
i read a little for the test tomorow
thinking that's all i could do.
tried to sleep at 10 at night,
sleepy, in pain
tried with all my might

awaken to this morning, everything's just fine
the sleepy eyes were in my way
but everything's gonna be alright
the thought of that darned crap geog test
simply threw things down my chest.

my heart dropped i gasp
life today might be some crap.

went to school and saw some fools
jumping around and screaming about
nothing's up so shut your mouths
geog test's gonna be the hell.

lessons past- something jumped in
the thought of Amath work not done.
omg, this must be hell
theres no way i can get out of this well.

Amath came, homework's put to test
gina eunice saved the day.
came over, lightenned my heart
today's aint gonna be that bad huh?>

geog test came, questions were retarded
asking me about things i couldnt
account this, describe that
please explain all of your crap.

fairsian connect boring time.
slapstick comedians lined in a line.
took their turns to act the goat.
couldnt understand why they laughed

lunch came, stalls were closed
resorted simply to that bowl
the noodles were little
the soup was so cold.

media club, no life club
slacking sleeping feeling drowsy
feeling sad, competitors never ceased
she was just too beautiful for me

blogging now, theres nothing to this
simply slacking, give no damn
section leader's busy complaining
but nothing's gonna happen
till this post ends.
here

that regretful sky

fun and laughter ____ and joy.
peace excluded, the rest'll ridiculed.
facade takes over, unfailingly.
everything, glued firm together.

friends left, fun drained.
alone on the sand, the sand's warm
from the scorching onslaught of the sun.
cold emotions, what a contrast.

alone with the sky and the sea
the coarse sand beneath the feet.
sitting there, all alone
the waves icing the legs. and
it was supposed to feel good.

but alone, yes plain alone
even that sun and its regretful sky
are going to be gone.
that pointless swish-swash remains

its pointless

and it was supposed to be
the best place on earth.

two alongside

2 people alongside me
one has left, one cant
these 2 poems, each matching each
in which i played a occasional part.
well. both are but complications
both disasters
which disaster, is the beautiful one?
you dont decide.

ample amble anthem.

amongst the crowd
the light was on you.
im focused on distractions
distraction-s is you

rememberence lodged deep.
till now i cant remove
you took your time in coming
you slipped away through the grooves
my clumsy grip lost
the precious you

some part of this heart
made and prep the room for you
liberated too much space
crumbled hard.
when you left in haste.

memory is all that's left
uncertain and glad to run away
empowered with weaknesses
these legs, just stood in my way.

glancing up, where my angel stood.
she looked upon me
she was so beautiful,
she could be you.
it was all so bright
-i simply cant decide.
just who this wonderful
disaster could be.
could it be you please?

relationship's stabbing itself

it felt like history.
but i saw that those eyes
were directed at me.
i exchanged the favour.

the voice, a familiar tone
it wasnt unique
but just the way i liked it
i could see where
you were coming.

i know when your smile fades
shake when your heart breaks.
uneasy when those
invisible tears rolled.

unfortunately we werent
at all meant to be.
from birth inscribed deep
a mark of seperation
which hurts much, indeed.

opportunities flew past
and solidified, joined to history
its the blood which mix- and doesnt
its fate that we shouldnt meet.

but you were, just a distraction
no more than once a year.
but too beautiful, too wonderful - an illusion.

torn apart.-

torn apart
i must be dreaming
nothing is true, i wont assume.
left it hanging, i'll hav my peace

well well, the naruto anime series finally got on track again.

haha enjoy!

No Regrets.

been thinking
since i had so much time, relating matters to me.
volleyball match - overconfident?
did we forget to measure our worths and strengths
before running into the open and shouting our praise?
everything was ours, power was, victory.
so was everything an illusion, reality requires work.
illusion requires imagination, and naive creativity.
well, looking back, i finally felt no regrets.
i said wat i could, when tables didnt turn to me
no one's to blame for the work was done
and the day was saved,
buried in rememberence for the future
im just glad i did all i could
was blessed enough, that girl i loved, i hugged.
but im moving on, this new life to experiment
to test drive, and hopefully be contented.
for this is simply how unpredictable things are
wake up, move on, here we go
not all over again

the sorrow and the pain
this unexplainable illness
torn through fabric of time and plane.

ok that's just my throat.
im wondering wth someone did to it, that its so screwed up
maybe its the making-noise today while supporting for
the volleyball team.
ok i was quite pissed off, but i wont elaborate.
those starting 3 sentences - they mean more
i think i know why, but i just cant explain.

well, something really irritated me, just 5 mins ago.
i slept at 6 till like... 11 something
woke up, havent had dinner, and lunch was skipped
my mum caringly asked me if i wanted something to eat
rice or noodles? noodles.
and later, my mum asked my sis. you want anything?
guotiao. ( freak i hate guotiao)
due to half heartedness, or watever,
my mum just turned to me, and said
oh you might as well just eat guotiao, cauz anyway
noodles are hard to digest- crap, so is guotiao.
well anyway, heres the question to her.
if she was serious abt cooking for me, she would've
ask my sis to eat noodles instead.
i mean, this just proves that she's damned biased
and obviously my sister, who wasnt hungry
still stood at a higher priority than me who
is hungrier.

unfortunately. dont you think you're
a little too friendly?
it kinda, spoils your image.

well, dont read too much into that sentence
thats what happens if a guy fools around too much.
haha ok moving on, theres nothing much today
geog test was a screw-up.
im begining to feel alot less confident.
and that feeling sucks.
know that, you cant win anymore without studying
get on your feets, fool of a tuck yan.
ss test tomorrow, heard that studyin wont help
but guess wat? studying is resposibility
i'll study even though like you said
it wont help.

to that particular person
being merely your friend
doesnt disqualify me
from preventing your frowns.

to God:
i thank you for all these people
but. give me the ability
to not be overloaded.
or else these blessings
might as well be disasters

woohoo new skin! dang my old links and wants list is gone
how? can some one help me do the thing up?
my user is tUck@gmail.com and my password is notfunny.
its so not funny that the above information is crap.
haha ok... er
homework, fix my blog another day.

its valentine's day.

the man who held crying in the rain
held onto you.
the cross didnt cost
any pain to be recognised
but you had to pry open his heart
one sided, noble love
how much more this love will go
ask yourself
its built in us.
and that wasn't enough for him to be your valentine today?

this valentines' day, is well, the best so far
from birth to now, i hadn't receive anything
today was the day. i saw why im rotten.
people preparing little gifts to save
those who were about to get nothing
those little gifts, red dates replacing dates
wire-heart representing presence.
lovely class photo "post-card"- our togetherness
all the wishes, all the hopes
all the declaring of mended ropes
all the sincerity you cant cope.
turn up that valve of tears
and let it flow
its worth it.


i just hope, im worth a fight, too.

its valentine's day.

the man who held crying in the rain
held onto you.
the cross didnt cost
any pain to be recognised
but you had to pry open his heart
one sided, noble love
how much more this love will go
ask yourself
its built in us.

this valentines' day, is well, the best so far
from birth to now, i hadn't receive anything
today was the day. i saw why im rotten.
people preparing little gifts to save
those who were about to get nothing
those little gifts, red dates replacing dates
wire-heart representing presence.
lovely class photo "post-card"- our togetherness
all the wishes, all the hopes
all the declaring of mended ropes
all the sincerity you cant cope.
turn up that valve of tears
and let it flow
its worth it.


i just hope, im worth a fight, too.

darn you image shack.
darn you very hard. why did you remove my blog skin?!
was just feeling miserable
that i'll be dating a textbook tomorrow.
its my fault, i called it off.
but if i were frivolous, i wouldnt be alone
but im not, i'll keep it single.
i'll stay single till the end of the day.
ok after O's its time for rampaging ok.
but now, lets ram those pages.

todays chem pract wasnt bad, but.
screw la, so many people lucky guessed the right substance
they really dont deserve that mark.
they didnt bother to test out P with hydrocholoric acid
man how did they manage to guess aluminium!
i cant stand it
Q/A, i used my brains
they used luck, and we're side by side
wat kinda crap is that?
there isnt a measure of anything for listening in class..
when people score by pure crap luck.

ok i admit im pissed.
by many thousands of factors

looking back, that was some crazy 80 posts over 2 months
it almost proves why, 2007 was a bad start for me
but im about to right it, right God?

well, here's a few quotes, which were, well undone.

1. cheer up k? i want to be there for you
- in the end, whosoever wasnt there for me
and infact went quite far away.

2. lets study together, starting from week 2.
-yeah right mence'. now's week wat? and we only
studied twice, of which one is copying of hw.
comeon, chiong again after curriculum's done. RIGHTO?

3. while i head north, you can help by heading south
- hahaa hmph.. how many times did i say that? im sorry
or rather glad it was never realised. well, after my O's
i'll correct my compass, and lets head north together,
not too far, johor isn't a very pretty place, but for now,
i'll leave that arrow to spin.

4. lets celebrate your birthday man, tuck yan
- something which never happened? im sorry, but for me
its really sad cauz since i've entered sec school, i never had
a proper birthday celebration. and to bottom that up, i
didnt use to see why i should celebrate my birthdays when
i was in pri school.

5. ---- one quote, it'll work
im going to kick O level's arse. even with that new computer
so get it quickly, dad!
and thats not the entire quote,
the second part reads: holding on tight to you
even if the worst is passing through
( as long as you dont mind
standing beside,
and not behind. )

its kachanaburi, thailand for me.
haha mum, can i hav 600 dollars then?
1350(nepal) - 750(kachanaburi)= 600
so.... how abt that?
haha hey i chose to be a good boy!
givemme that 600!

then i can lay my hands on that thump...
oh man comeon!
haha

well ok quite boring, doing my zuo ye after dinner
yeah, lets go and pwn wilfred
then followed by zhong sheng
then followed by yanling

lets not talk abt singapore, yet.

i guess, here's something you could do
hold these things for me.

so with everything left in your hands.
i'll step out of this life,
its time for them to see
wat im capable for.

even as i "forget" you
be proud of me.



i'll be trying my best, lets all be.
with that

i'll stop crime-ing by blogging during media..
ugggh :p

life is as weird as can be.
im sorry if i gave weird faces
im sorry if im angry
im sorry if i kept frowning,
im sorry i tried my best to do hw, but couldnt complete
im sorry teachers im super sorry
but
scold me again, i'll die in your face
you people better give me, some time.

when the score is imperfect
its a crime, damnit.

should i go shopping today?

i was just thinking..
abt the two extremes i cannot stand.
1st- being successful by sheer hard work
2nd-being successful without doing anywork.

well i used to fall under the 2nd category, dug out my diary, P6 diary today.
there was this picture, its called the class monitor2003 picture.
i was there. yeah i was, innocently wearing that pair of plastic rimmed spectacles.
reflecting closely, i realised that i dont even wear my spectacles nowadays.
and i was looking at my beginning of the year for P6 goals. it was to get A for english A for chinese A for math and A*for science... well wadda ya know man, those were my exact grades in PSLE. i was like *gasp!* seriously utterly shocked.
speechless.
well, then i was thinking.. uh ok how did i do that?
i got my answer really soon.
i looked at the well deserved crests page.
first crest. given for successfully making a pin-hole camera.
i was like GASP AGAIN!
i made a pinhole camera when i was in p6? tell me to make one now, and i'll be clueless.
next, a crest given for extra researching whilst doing my assignment.
GASP AGAIN AGAIN! i was like... me?! doing extra research! kidding man!
really, i finally figured out why i scored without studying.
cauz, i was seriously studying everyday.
now wat happened to you, huh? tuck yan?
wat happenned?
you fool!


well i guess, its in me, God, pls help me resurface such an ability. I hav to revive this spirit.
i spent too much time thinking that life sucks
so much time, it became a reality.
Lets take my stitch on the forehead
as a mark of a new covenant.
i will do my work.
im sorry teachers, i'll start making you all proud of me.
i'll start toping the charts.
i'll be, me.
cauz im made to achieve it, not achieving it, spells useless.
thanks for allowing me to chance upon the diary.
uggh i've really been a jerk, really.
its time to change back, time to head back.
im really sorry, for being a fool like that

someday you might return to me.
but that day, i guess you wont find me.
im sorry, but this feeling tells me
that you were but, toying with me
i wont be his darned substitute.
i'll be me. and there's probably
a better fitting puzzle.
maybe we just werent meant to be
dont ask me if im ok
im not, but soon i will be

just before i forget
you said this would, be good for me
took it swallowed it.
ugh ok its a fragment of glass
and i didnt even receive
an uncomfortable glance.

sore throat la.
lol

watch that ego, damnit
keep it down
you're pissing everyone in and out.
ego's good for debates
but can you, mr debator
live your life like a normal guy
dont keep commenting
keep your mouth shut
people can get pissed
so just keep that thing closed
keep that ego down
dont talk to much
and you wont hav to self approach

to think this ego's good for debates
making sure of your firm view
your view is like that, you're the only
right person in the world
keep those feets firm, buckle up
rock that hall with your twisted speech
watch black turn white
and watch white stained black.
its a evil dictators job,
take this Ego away, God
take it all away.

daaaang im must watch my tongue.- or fingers?

aim your lance, grip it tight.
draw those swords, and draw some blood.
like the calvary, armed for a fight
so its the same, with that battle in my heart.


just reflecting abt today... i was thinking. you're weak.
wat can you do abt it? train? now?! great idea.
just when i got on my hands, i remembered my stitch
its like a bar, placed over a meter.
its just restricting me and making me hopeless.
this is so gay, incase people dont realise, a stitch
isnt something thats like woah so cool
its well, much of the direct opposite.
may, you are right, it does resemble a frankenstein.
frozen at the joints.
and muscles made no point.
screws and nuts i dont lack.
leave this poor frankenstein alone.
leave him here, and head for home.

thats right, head for the hills, im really feeling moody
today.
i dont know, and i dont know.
how many people treat these posts for real.
emo maybe for attention seekers.
wat we're forgetting here
are the heart matters.
let it simmer for a little too long
kaboom and everything is gone.
maybe i'll start believing this nightmare
myself.
is life so forlorn
who am i?
life's antagonist?

harp on it some more
slap yourself.

hey! today was an exhausting day.. ugh
wat was that? quotient and product rule!?
oh dang, i missed out too much on my math.
well, results day, today was.
32/40 for physics
33/50 chinese compo. its high ok. comaparatively
14/25 social studies. - buck up ya..
16/30 A math... oooh to think i knew how to do binomial.

a sneak preview... my geog teacher said that i flunked the test
though its certain that i didnt.. fail it?
man.. geog is my A1 subject! how can this be?!

so yeah, guess the results made the day bad,
pls overlook the physics result. its no big deal.
the test was... simply easy?
social studies in ranking wise, wasnt that bad.
but i think, i should attempt to own abit more.
haha
well.
blog later, i feel like a fool of a toot now.

damn the hag.
haha nah that was just a
activity during class. just the teacher
acting like a meano loser
ranting abt old people being a nuisance
and we're supposed to demonstrate weird expressions on
our faces, cauz we were supposed to be unable to see through
our dear history teacher/
heh, i practically slacked the afternoon off, talking to dad abt
the perfect desktop computer to buy.
haha of course i cant get those retarded dell gaming desktops
where watercooling system interwines the already complicated
jungle in a normal CPU.
but just the thought that, those computers are quad core-d..
oh darn it, i'll get it when i start working. haha
that'll be when computers take over the world i guess
while idiots like us, passed our knowledge to that cold cold mind
which feels no true emotions, impervious to sadness
deprived of happiness... knows of no bitterness
we dont realise wat we're losing out on, as we convert
from partakers of such life, into empty walking vessels.
isit worth it?
it isnt, such blades of carving knifes
cant be missing in life.
as much as they are life takers, they are life givers.
constantly probbing us to our feets, with that constant hit.
well thats that, gotta like, go make some time useful.
linking torsten, and its time to do some hw.

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner. Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare. You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie. Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you. For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's Your Love Style?

nice try man blog things. you know i dont believe you for nuts.

if wat it said was true, i dont see why im not murdered by too many

girls dying to like get to know me and stuff.. haha im ain't complaining here...

You Are 80% Gentleman

You are definitely a gentleman. You're very considerate and you have excellent manners. Occasionally, you slip and do something foolish... but usually no one notices!

Are You A Gentleman?

You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

You are 93% Libra

How Libra Are You?

im a true blue libra!! woot!

oh yeah, and they said that i should date taurus. ah thats hm... hey!

its.. april21-may21.. so erm... er.. haha.

nothing, horoscope's crap, wont you agree, rabbit?

God i saw this little note in my bag today
it dates to somewhere long ago.
it reads.
dearest de en : =) haha just want you to use this care
to encourage you for the camp... guess this is a good time
to lean solely on HIM when things are not going well...
or even when ppl dun seem to work together well too.
its really just the Lord that we all need to foocus and rely on.
let him break us so that we are able to move on.
=) wanxin!

well i guess, thats like God's pointing me the way already.
everything's set up, God, you come and break me now.
and heal me back. Lift me back on my feet. its time for life
to truly start.
just so that you know, it hurts me to say all that.
both sides of the coin, have you seen them both?
theres always another side to a story.
single sided stories are worth nothing.
i think.

well God, it does trail all the way back to camp. it was when it
truly started and end.
you know how i feel you know wat its like
in you i had been confiding.
well thats that.
when things between people dont work out
maybe its time to break, and back to the basics.

i guess

words cant do the justice.
tears cant pay the price.
time wont heal
wat do you want?!

if theres something i missed
theres something i didnt know
thats just too freakin' bad
cauz no one told me anything

wat am i doing
i should've gone to school
every thinking moment
is a sad moment.

they say that happiness
is but a state of the mind
these memories
are playing without sound
i cant feel how i used to
everything's cold
im constricted and frozen
so many things i thought
i thought i promised
yet now everything's prepared
but the heart to carry on.

why, why did you let me ..
feel?

and i dont even want to blame you
i must be a retarded psycho

i went there, on saturday.
sat on the same spot i sat on
the difference was.
you aren't there anymore.
the last time, my first time.
when would this last time-fact
change?
it wouldnt, since we each took our turns
smashed this into bits.
its over, im dishing the final blow
i should be happy, i should
somehow.

every moment i use my brains to think
a sadest moment
that moment becomes.

i cant stand it, life is so twisted for me.
i realise the friends i hav,
yet this friends are but restricted.
to the trivial things in my life.
im sorry friends, if that makes you people
feel not like my friends.

im sorry, pls understand
im a screwed retard who banged his head
against a table's edge, who was laughing..
while stitches went on his head
and now sad that he didnt take
a picture with him
with that blood flowing over his face.

im retarded, wat am i thinking?
maybe i should just get back to bed
and act like how a sick loser would.

maybe, maybe.

and to think she was the only maybe in my life.

maybe-s are but disasters to tuck yan i guess

you're sick

you're sick and you see the world
you fly around, not making a sound.
you see things you want,
you see things you dont want.
yet the things you dont want to see, catches your eyes too fast
he made his move, and now you're stuck
i saw it all.
you're just going to tell me the same old thing
that you simply cant. forget that damned thing.
maybe this is a sign for me
to get my arse moving.
its been patronising here for too long
it hurts to see me, wanna leave
but its only me who sees, me
be happy damn it, dont break here break there
pop by on msn, and tell me some "good news"
i dont want to hear, dont want to feel
i used to prefer, that simple old you
but there's no point now, things happened for fun
when things happen for fun, i wont participate
for fun is rubbish. especially when
the things arent meant for fun.
but they did, this high level complication
of simple retardedness
i wont get involved
so heres wat you can do
step to the south, while i step to the north
you knew that you could never just be a friend
to me.
it had to be more than a friend
it had to...
but since it wont be the case
lets slash this up
so deep its numb
when it doesnt feel
we'll meet in this
singapore's humble summer.

ouch

hurt myself today, physically, not emotionally

so be happy, its not emo.

well lets see some picture.

not some, jus the picture.

oh man.. look at that... its still stuck to my head now.

currently, my right sideburn is hardenned by blood clot.

oooh blood is a goood substitute for styling wax uh?

haha dont worry, i broke it off...

well lets see...

this is wat happenned

****__________- etc etc.

**()()()(____-----tooot!

bam and i slamed onto a table's edge.

ouch, i sat on the floor, a distance from the table,

where newton's third law applied.

every action has an equal and opposite reaction

so i was propelled onto the floor a distance away.

something swept down the side of my face, like a sheet.

it was.... blood.

the wound was gashing open, and blood flowed out like..

well water from a spring? haha ok

continue to drink water, im sorry if i placed anyone off.

haha ok anyway

got stitches in the hospital.

on my way home the thing was still bleeding..

sick crap.

haha my shirt is dirtied with blood.

how? ( dont over imagine the amt. its just a few drops)

woohoooo
i saved 30 dollars so far...
huh? 30 dollars in 1month?
ok lah, can i hear the applause pls?
cauz this is like
the big thing man!
haha ok darn it, this is my first time
its a retardedly good achievement
ZS and mence, better pay me back my $5
if not, you'll cripple my savings by $20
hmph... can someone suggest, if i should
save to a huge sum
or spend when i got like.. 60-80 dollars?
darn i want that oakley thump.

guess wat? my blog has a split personality
its split personality ran away,
now this blog's for fun posts only
its split can host all the emo for all it cares
its on my links, find it
but dont bother reading it.

had charsiew baos for breakfast today.
like i said, standard of living is increasing.
wooh!
but darn, the GST is like..
i really dont see why theres a need to increase..
the price of crude oil dropped.
whats the point in increasing GST DAMN IT!

well ok no point.
getting new com soon!
woooooh!

but watever it is
i hav to weave these strands of sanity together
this once i've to pull through.
i dont deny how rapidly their snapping
how numerous those
ridiculous thoughts are
its the last resort
when woven together
may they be stronger.
may their teamwork be flawless
while i go on this
collision course
with this.

im tired...
i guess its time
for reaffirmation.
but theres no one to do it for me
i realise how tongues are tied
when its time to name my strengths
tongues wagged when
my weaknesses await to be splurt
i guess...
its just like that
no one sees anything
my strengths are curses
they are just so
double sided.
the way zinc behaves
like an amphoteric oxide
so do my strengths
act for good and evil.
why?!

im tired.
tell me if i should run
and where do i run to.
its when im happy
and when i search deeper
happiness was but
emptiness
perfection is an ugly scar
yet imperfection is a deformity
wats this brain for
wat's its use?
wats this sickly container for
its of no good.
tell me how this mixture of junk
can mean something different
tell me wats
the worth of junk.

harh..

well, today was rather uneventful.
woke up today, was feeling ok
then halfway through school, i had this feeling
must sign out, gotto sign out..
and so i did, reached home at about.. 11?
was like physically and mentally shredded.
its really good to sleep... but.
i missed out so much in school! my physics paper!
as in, the results, also, i missed english argumentative essay.
aiya watever la. God help me
for if i dont drop the past, i cant jump the future.
well like i said,
today is a uneventful day...
if there's anything wrong,
please just scream it in my face.

lol day.

today is a lol day.
did nothing much, a math binomial was... screwed and not screwed.
well physics teacher insisted that i must not sign out of school
so i didnt. ugh im too good to be true.
well, today was pretty uneventful, played a few more games of the
back-stab and gank slapping game.
ugh my cheek still hurts...
ok after school had lunch at dover with deme, sophie and isaac
deme and sophie are just this silly funny couple.
unbelievable.
after lunch i went to see the doctor.
its just a flu.
JUST
and i already spread it to like how many people
just a flu isit?
its ok you're a doctor, i believe you.
after doctor, i went to plan ling chang.
somehow everything fell into place, thanks God!
well thats that for today
probably not going for NCC tomorrow
and tuckyan's not taking over.