alamak

Alamak, according to this website I was reading, was originally pronounced as alamar and was first used by the people in malacca under the portuguese occupation.
It meant "mother of God", a malay equivalence of a common christian inspired swear.

According to this comic book about Singapore, it says the word is a combination of "allah", which means God and "mak" which means mother.

So what really bothered me was when someone tried to point out to me that alamak can't possibly be "mother of God" because it is "allah" that is "God", not "ala". So apparently, the spelling meant that it cannot have that meaning.

Upon showing him my source, he went on to say that the writer obviously didn't know his arabic enough, if he did, he'd known that there's no way the "ala-" meant God. How exactly the arabic informs such a conclusion he did not elaborate. What was worse is when I told him that his argument is poor, he did not persist. Instead, he moved to another line of argument, stoking my suspicions that he didn't know his arabic either.

Now he says that it is impossible because malays will never associate allah with a mother. To them, such association is sacrilegious. To me, such an objection is irrelevant because as a linguist, "allah" is simply a lingual equivalent of the word "God", not to be constrained to any particular referent at all. Whoever said that when anyone says "alamak" they think of the god of Islam? Since the god of Islam is no necessary referent, it seems like the "disrespect" argument doesn't really work.

Then comes to ultimate move. He says, "but people are likely to misinterpret". Okay, how can I argue with that? I already stumbled upon a misinterpreter by then, the man himself.

But you know, sometimes I really wish people read more before they start shooting their mouths off. The website that I was talking about, or the comic book which actually made it to publication, do these have no credibility whatsoever that they should be so candidly discarded in the argument?

Alamak sia, meet this sort of people.

no wasted action

A mail comes in, it's from MOE. It's an invitation to speak at pioneer jc regarding teaching as a career path.
But my eyes wander off to the side.

This is news isn't it? News which can be capitalised to start conversations?
I hesitate. What's the point of starting conversations?
Surely I don't mean them to just be conversations?
Surely my scheming self doesn't do things without motivation?

I hold back and moved onto reading the email. But such thoughts cannot be quickly chased away.
Because refraining from speech is too unnatural, isn't it a case of hypercorrection?
Wouldn't this be a self-fulfilling prophecy,
because you don't start, it will never be?

Decisions decisions, make no pointless actions.

this wonderful attachment.

Attachment at HQ has given me yet another insight.

We were discussing about this latest plan to help the teachers with CCE.
In my innocent, newbie moment, I voiced out my reservation. We were investing so much time in whatever it is and for me, I fear that it would not be time well spent.

For me, there was a nagging doubt from the moment good ideas began to fill the whiteboard.
I can't help becoming discouraged as my expectation of the length of the final document continued to climb.
Who would read such a thing? It's simply too long!

That's when the floodgates opened. The officers also shared their honest opinion, their previous stint in schools informed them of the challenges teachers face, the multiple hats they wear and the little time they have to... that's right, sit down and mull over such lengthy documents.

But is that all?

We were referencing this book titled "The Skillful Teacher". On page 3 there is a set of 18 questions. These questions were crafted by the author to aid teachers in post-action self-reflection so that the shortcomings can be made clear and the lesson can be refined.

We asked ourselves a simple question, "when we read the questions did we feel as though we were being evaluated?" The answer was "no" in unison.
On the other hand, if we were to take the questions wholesale and give it to the teachers, we were certain that many would see it as an insidious evaluation tool. Why? On one hand, it is because it is inescapable. The HQ is obliged to set expectations and compel the schools to meet them.

On the other hand, it is the relationship isn't it? I wondered if the social distance between HQ and the schools meant that automatic emotional persuasion was out of question.
Putting myself now in the shoes of a kp in school. If I were to create such a document out of my own goodwill, I would certainly enjoy greater success and achieving that buy in from my own teachers. The role as well as the social distance of the HQ seems to accord this measure of impotence to the policies it makes.

It makes me think that... maybe I don't want to go there after all.

What will it take?

I've been sitting around feeling mediocre recently.

There are many reasons for this, some of which I may not even know, but here goes.

1. Work, and honestly I don't know how long I need before I stop entering work with arrogance. A spent a day of timidity in office, 3 weeks of cockiness, 1 week of reality. I realised that even though the material looks like child's play, there's quite a host of theories behind them. Belittling it, my edits were too divergent from the rest of the chapters and as a result I really just wasted my team's time. 
2. Time squandered. I spent quite a bit of time rotting on YouTube, Facebook, reading random camera reviews because my money is coming in and I really want to make a good choice. But it's like a friend once told me, nothing is going to satisfy you completely, you got the love the one you've chosen. I think loving the one I've chosen does also mean to stop mindlessly scouting around. I need to sit down and think it through. Think what through? The things I want to do with a camera and how a particular model may fit right in. I also have to think about the things I want to let go, for instance, the occasional fantasy of snapping away low light photos at a dance concert. That has to go, I'm afraid. 
3. Spiritually, honestly, working at grange road has given me a good glimpse into work life. It really sucks. HAHA. Especially if there aren't any passionate christians at your work place. There's plenty in school and come to think about it, I haven't given thanks for it. But where I am now, waking too early to have quiet time, being too drowsy at work to have quiet time, being too tired when I'm home to pray properly... It's taking quite a toll. My mind, why, I think God is becoming an ever smaller part of its occupancy.
4. Other people. Just same old story. Everyone's just asking me questions during meeting as though they don't have a personal stake in what we're discussing. This wears me out a lot. It makes me feel that I'm fighting alone. And then they say, don't fight alone... oh wait, do they even say that? This is the sort of thing that I'm awkward to talk about. At the back of my mind something tells me I may be wrong. That a general negativity has shrouded my mind and I'm thinking poorly of people. Or maybe I just didn't try hard enough to let them have some sense of ownership. Man, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like saying "well why do I have to think of everything?" and then I realised that when I do think of it, it's like an answer to a long forgotten prayer to God to equip me. These moments are God's gentle promptings aren't they? The thoughts coming from my blindside, telling me how best to lead the team?

Of course these things are also affected by a poor sleep discipline. If I'm sleeping at 9 every night I'll kick ass from 6-9 the next day. But now, I let the mindless videos drag me beyond bedtime (okay look, even 10pm is excellent), I let my worries of "if I cut off these conversations now would I ever have a chance again to talk about them?" delay me. 

But let's start with a compromise. No more Facebook or Youtube on the computer. 

Wow it's like gouging out my eyes. 

why attend wakes

Why do I attend wakes. Today marks the 4th wake of an unknown person which I have attended as a representative of my church. Of course there is the element of duty, undoubtedly the one which has secured my attendance time and time again.

but today I find that the answer can be, some times, I need it.

As I was wondering about what to do with that colleague, about the future of fellowship, one hymn we sang
耶稣领我耶稣领我耶稣天天亲手领我，我愿为主忠心仆人，因有耶稣亲手领我。

That was it. The timely reminder.
Just trust God and follow.
Sometimes I just spend too much time fixating on my problems and blowing them up.
It's so sweet to be reminded again that my task is but to follow.

What do I do?

How do I deal with this new complication at workplace. You see, meeting someone you know is not always a good thing. It's a good thing because it accelerates the integration process.
Bad thing because although they may find themselves close enough to crack so jokes or take a poke at you, some people simply can't play the games they play on others.

So it got really bad today. I'm at a loss of what to do, of how to proceed in the days ahead.
My mind toys with the prospect of a dramatic cessation in games and laughter. But it's a sort of revenge isn't it? It feels so right and proper, but so wrong at the same time.
The sudden formality, when I think about it, is really a calculated move with the intention to make the other party feel sad.
Yet, if formality does not return, bad things will keep on happening.

Is there a golden mean? A hybrid maybe? A way to be formal in a friendly manner? Oh I have absolutely no idea.
I'm looking right at You, God, you promised to make us strong in our weaknesses.
This is my weakness, please make me strong.
You said that those who lack wisdom ought to ask from the Lord.
I'm asking you right now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PO0-QmW54kI

看啊！神的在人间，亲自与他们同在
擦去一切的眼泪，再没有伤悲
因一切都更新

There was the physical tabernacle, a shadow of the true and heavenly tabernacle.
This shadow was once established on earth, during its inauguration God sent fire from the heavens to devour the sacrifices.
He dwelt there visibly, it was like a pillar of cloud in the day and of fire by the night.

When the temple was built He filled it so full with His glory that the priests could not remain in it to serve. However, His glory left it one day. He left to prepare for what was to come.

Because after a little while, His son would die upon the cross to enter the true tabernacle with his very own blood. To cleanse it, opening a pathway for all who believe to enter, even to the very throne of God.

We are now His tabernacle, which means place of dwelling, the body is now the temple of the Holy Spirit, consecrated, cleansed, purchased by the blood of Christ.

But someday, we will live where He lives.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. he will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God"
Revelations 21:3

期待那一天

What is something that becomes fleeting the harder you chase?

How does one achieve without pursuing?

Everything.

Is the kingdom of God the only straightforward thing? Those who seek it find it.