Most Productive day ever

Today was without a shadow of doubt the most productive day of my life. I completed the draft for my portion of a group project, finished writing and submitted an essay, studied thai and did some thai homework, devoured a 30 page reading and now... with the generousity of time from God at only 915pm, moving ahead into the project editing so that we don't spend too much time staring at each other later.

But I'm thinking of you C and of how you're struggling with your take home exam. I feel helpless, I put my hands together and pray. I pray that your heart will remain settled.

a moment's desperation

One big obstacle over. Halloween dinner. Phew.

My fractured mind finds a fleeting moment of rest and now I'm back tackling the proj work.
There is a naggy feeling at the back of my mind that I'm analysing deeper than expected of us. A thousand thoughts assault my mind as I look at the model report. How are some students so much more proficient than I am? Why, they write the report as though they have done linguistic analysis all their lives.

And I think, it's just 500 words, just a single construct to analyse. Why is this taking me more than an hour? But suddenly I realize that group proj begun a long time ago.. it has been a good 6-7 weeks of opportunity... opportunity which slipped right past my fingers.

And here I am at this hour, desperate. I look at the open document and in it, the unfinished work. Vexed I get off my chair and wander in aimless circles in my room. Thoughts assault my head again, I can barely distinguish them. It is a chaotic torrent of ideas... amidst them surely is one that can set me free.

Oh God can't you see that I take no pleasure in this analysis? But how can I do well, or invest my time wisely if I don't love it? Nevertheless, let me love you first, for without a love for you all competing loves will become idolatry. Help me love you dear Lord. Can't I see that You desire for me to analyse to Your glory? Help me! how shall your name be defamed because of my incompetency? Help me feel the weight of glory.

I'm begging you. I don't see how my aimless stress is superior to the burden of glory. Put on me the yoke that is right and I will work. I will take Your yoke upon myself.

waiting for the good

6 Many are saying, “Who will show us any good?”
Lift up the light of Your countenance upon us, O Lord!
7 You have put gladness in my heart,
More than when their grain and new wine abound.
8 In peace I will [k]both lie down and sleep,
For You alone, O Lord, make me to dwell in safety.
Psalms 4:6-8 (NASB)

As I read the Psalms I chanced on these verses which were so similar to the idea Jeremiah 32:40
⁴⁰ I will make an everlasting covenant with them that I will not turn away from them, to do them good; and I will put the fear of Me in their hearts so that they will not turn away from Me.

Verse 6: many are saying, who will show us any good?
The psalmist replies: you have put gladness in my heart, more than when their grain and new wine abound. The comparison to the time of abundance brings out the psalmist's immense satisfaction even in times of no abundance.
So the psalmist response to those who say "who will show us any good", is that of  "good is being shown". God is not thrifty in showing us good, on the other hand, we are slow in perceiving them.

And so knowing how he is good beyond the seasons of abundance, in Him we find a safe dwelling, one so safe, so secure it grants us rest.
I wonder. What keeps me up at night?
Let my heart be gladdened by You, more than when the grain and new wine abounds.

plasticine reasoning

One of the foremost arguments for acceptance of homosexuality is that it is a natural thing.
Homosexuals are just born that way, there cannot be anything wrong with it, and worse, for us to penalise them for it.

In this sense, nature is not to be questioned or commented upon. What is true? What is right? Nature is.

Then we have abortions where naturally deformed babies are aborted. Somehow nature isn't that untouchable anymore. Somehow nature doesn't justify.
Oh wait. Sometimes these babies aren't even deformed. Or isit most of the time?
Why is the baby being penalised despite being irrefutably the product of nature?
Love the logic.

An order of obligations

Are Christians responsible for everyone in the world? Everyone in society? I would argue there is an obligation first to our family (1 Tim. 5:8) and then to our brothers in the church (1 John 3:17; Gal. 6:10). Also, we should respond to urgent needs right in front of us when our assistance will be helpful (Luke 10:29-37). Finally, we should do good to everyone as we have opportunity as shaped by our vocation and calling (Gal. 6:10).

 

From <http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevindeyoung/2010/03/03/seven-passages-on-social-justice-2/

I too believe that there is an order of obligations.

1 Tim 5:8 says that "but if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
This is an instance of a "responsibility" classed provision. You must do it.

Then there are those conditional or "opportune" sort. Like in Gal 6:10.
So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.

So here's the hierarchy:
1. your family
2. the church
3. everyone else.

And if I think about it, it's pretty logical. Some people look at their church and say, "well these lazy bums are always feeding themselves, unlike them, I'mma go out and do good to people outside and evangelise to them."
Sure enough, many of us have taken to the comfort of feeding ourselves in church and some of us really do this because we dread evangelising,
But if I may, I would ask:
You evangelise and to which church will you bring them? Why, which sort of person will start evangelising without thinking of where to bring the convert? Why unless this person evangelizes out of guilt or obligation, concerned only to the point of conversion. This is quite unloving evangelism.

Or maybe this person intends to introduce these converts to other "better" churches. What sort of antagonism is this with his/her own church?
Better yet, they intend to introduce the converts to a church they are barely satisfied with themselves.

Now this is all just madness.

I am thus not convinced when people who care little for the church care for the poor.

well what if they never intended to evangelise to them? Well...
That's also unacceptable isn't it?

A sudden surge

A song plays on the background on my newly purchased Bluetooth speakers. It's Es por tu gracia or "it's by your grace". I recall that it's beat who introduced this song to us.

I whip out my pen and begin to write on my thai worksheet. I write my name and then my tutor's name. Then my speaking class number into the blank beside the letter "W". As the tip of the pen begins the number 5, I was brought right back to the first week of school.. and how in 2 weeks we were introduced to our tutorial group.

My heart breaks. What an honour it is, from the first minute of stepping into school to when I was assigned a class to belong to. I wonder if I display this preciousness in my work... oh no I don't.

It's by your grace that I'm here. Writing, pondering, frustrated by the things I cannot understand.
Oh God have mercy on me. Let me live in such extreme awareness all my days. Let me be glad, broken that you have caused such a wonderful thing as education to befall me.

my fingers tremble now, acutely aware that they do not deserve to complete the number 5.
I write on. I finish. It's by your mercy, and your grace.