11 To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power, 12 so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.
2 Thessalonians 1:6
What can I say about that day? I say it felt strangely warm to be amongst the Christians in school (though God knows I didn't really meet any from Regenerate), my heart also seriously fell as several junctures when I thought I saw carelessness during worship: a call to worship which was nothing about God but more about our energy level, occasional pompous behaviour from the worship leader (disunity of the worship team maybe) etc.
But we did pray together and through our admittedly rushed prayers we did dedicate ourselves and the university and our nation into the hands of God. I remember praying that whether or not we all took it serious enough, that God will work powerfully in us to will the things we have prayed for to come to pass.
Do not hold back dear Lord, do not withhold from us any opportunities through which you can shape us into the sort of people we dedicated ourselves to be when we prayed those prayers that night.
I thank you for not holding back with me. Yesterday was quite the different day, despite the pain and agony. It was a day of praying, thinking, working, resting. What I have come to regard as recreation was strangely missing, and I thank You for that.
I know that You have promised to fulfil every resolve for good and to accomplish every work of faith by Your power. I pray now that You will also give me good resolves and a robust faith which permeates every work as well as work which is compatible with faith.
In Your most precious name,
Amen
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
indigestion of reality
Is it indigestion? The doctor says my stomach has been hyper-active with acid production. As a result, I feel uncommonly hungry but when I put food in the acid rises and I get heartburn. I also feel really bloated most of the time, bloated and hungry at the same time.
She interrogated me over a short span of 5-10mins. She concludes that none of the factors I brought up is chiefly responsible for the overactive stomach. She then suggests that I may be experiencing stress which I know not of.
I paused. My mum said the exact same thing to me when I was at home. She asked if I've been stressed lately, and characteristically, not knowing that I am.
Well I don't want to say that I am! I think that ever since my decision to change my attitude towards the leadership positions God has placed me in, life has been better! I've been feeling a lot happier... haven't I? To say that I'm stress seems to nullify that... but what's the point of rejecting reality?
Well, so I am. I don't even really know why I am. But a few minutes of guesswork on my bed proved to be illuminating.
Firstly, the modules this semester... well, they are of the discourse analysis sort. That stuff... they all bring me back to the admittedly traumatising days of media discourse and analysis. I hate that stuff. I hate it because I don't know much about it and my classmates don't make it any better by drawing flimsy arguments, aggravated by the teacher's endorsement. I didn't like it at all and now they're all back, reminding me that I've left some stones unturned in my time in school.
And then there are things that I need to just chill-out about. For instance, when someone else is put in charge of an activity for youth fellowship, I ought to stop being very egocentric about it and worry for it as though my image is affected by it. It's just bad. First, since it has been delegated I ought not to worry for it as though I'm in charge of it. Furthermore, even if I should worry for it I should find my self-image out of the question. I don't think any love for the organiser will place unhealthy stress on my mind. It's those self-absorbed interest which are perhaps eating away at my health.
"I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it" when it's all about You. I'm sorry that I often make things out to be about myself.
Then there are the self-destructing, time wasting, completely pointless activities that I still engage in extravagantly. Those need to go. There was this night when I had a dream which combined the theories of critical discourse analysis with the game of hearthstone. That is by far, without a shadow of doubt, the most excruciating dream in my life. There was this character which couldn't be killed... that character was the embodiment of leftist thought, seemingly fundamental to critical discourse analysis.
These activities disrupt my sleep, waste my time and make me behave in very irrational ways such as making myself out to be a lot more busy than I really am. Oh God please help me.
Please help me because obviously I'm still far away from understanding how to be a good steward of my gifts. Help me too because all of these happen when I don't love you.
Help me to seek You, then You shall make Yourself be found by me.
Come to me as the showers,
as spring rains which water the earth (Hosea 6:3)
She interrogated me over a short span of 5-10mins. She concludes that none of the factors I brought up is chiefly responsible for the overactive stomach. She then suggests that I may be experiencing stress which I know not of.
I paused. My mum said the exact same thing to me when I was at home. She asked if I've been stressed lately, and characteristically, not knowing that I am.
Well I don't want to say that I am! I think that ever since my decision to change my attitude towards the leadership positions God has placed me in, life has been better! I've been feeling a lot happier... haven't I? To say that I'm stress seems to nullify that... but what's the point of rejecting reality?
Well, so I am. I don't even really know why I am. But a few minutes of guesswork on my bed proved to be illuminating.
Firstly, the modules this semester... well, they are of the discourse analysis sort. That stuff... they all bring me back to the admittedly traumatising days of media discourse and analysis. I hate that stuff. I hate it because I don't know much about it and my classmates don't make it any better by drawing flimsy arguments, aggravated by the teacher's endorsement. I didn't like it at all and now they're all back, reminding me that I've left some stones unturned in my time in school.
And then there are things that I need to just chill-out about. For instance, when someone else is put in charge of an activity for youth fellowship, I ought to stop being very egocentric about it and worry for it as though my image is affected by it. It's just bad. First, since it has been delegated I ought not to worry for it as though I'm in charge of it. Furthermore, even if I should worry for it I should find my self-image out of the question. I don't think any love for the organiser will place unhealthy stress on my mind. It's those self-absorbed interest which are perhaps eating away at my health.
"I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it" when it's all about You. I'm sorry that I often make things out to be about myself.
Then there are the self-destructing, time wasting, completely pointless activities that I still engage in extravagantly. Those need to go. There was this night when I had a dream which combined the theories of critical discourse analysis with the game of hearthstone. That is by far, without a shadow of doubt, the most excruciating dream in my life. There was this character which couldn't be killed... that character was the embodiment of leftist thought, seemingly fundamental to critical discourse analysis.
These activities disrupt my sleep, waste my time and make me behave in very irrational ways such as making myself out to be a lot more busy than I really am. Oh God please help me.
Please help me because obviously I'm still far away from understanding how to be a good steward of my gifts. Help me too because all of these happen when I don't love you.
Help me to seek You, then You shall make Yourself be found by me.
Come to me as the showers,
as spring rains which water the earth (Hosea 6:3)
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
redeem
Is not reason created by You, God?
Help my intuitions, how should You remain unintuitive to me forever?
Is not this world created for Your glory?
Help my heart, how should I arrive at truths but not see their glory?
And if they weren't glorious, can I call them untruth?
Help my intuitions, how should You remain unintuitive to me forever?
Is not this world created for Your glory?
Help my heart, how should I arrive at truths but not see their glory?
And if they weren't glorious, can I call them untruth?
Monday, August 18, 2014
extrapolation
There's a sort of honesty with myself that I'm only learning recently. That is, to admit that I don't really like someone.
I owe this to an old friend, who tried to teach me the same thing repeatedly throughout my 2 years in JC. She'd say, why would you like someone like me? Now that I clearly don't anymore, I see it, in some sense, she knew me better than I knew myself.
There are things we don't particularly fancy in people and then there are also things we absolutely detest. Unfortunately these things are often only clearer in retrospect. In the present time I find my mind being very uncharacteristically unaware or forgetful about them. But these days I'm doing a much much better job of reminding myself.
It's not just things like interest now or things which feel promising, to be fun. It's not entertaining those quirky thoughts, a fleeting glimpse at how amusing a particular moment would be. It's a sober, calculated projection of my life ahead and the sort of person who would, not endure, but live it. Promises of patience, understanding...nah. It's the main course, you may hate the soup or you may not fancy a dessert, but don't put up with the main course for the periphery.
It sounds almost silly but it takes a lot of courage to say, "come on, that's not the right one. Now move on along."
Or maybe you can say it takes a lot of faith.
I owe this to an old friend, who tried to teach me the same thing repeatedly throughout my 2 years in JC. She'd say, why would you like someone like me? Now that I clearly don't anymore, I see it, in some sense, she knew me better than I knew myself.
There are things we don't particularly fancy in people and then there are also things we absolutely detest. Unfortunately these things are often only clearer in retrospect. In the present time I find my mind being very uncharacteristically unaware or forgetful about them. But these days I'm doing a much much better job of reminding myself.
It's not just things like interest now or things which feel promising, to be fun. It's not entertaining those quirky thoughts, a fleeting glimpse at how amusing a particular moment would be. It's a sober, calculated projection of my life ahead and the sort of person who would, not endure, but live it. Promises of patience, understanding...nah. It's the main course, you may hate the soup or you may not fancy a dessert, but don't put up with the main course for the periphery.
It sounds almost silly but it takes a lot of courage to say, "come on, that's not the right one. Now move on along."
Or maybe you can say it takes a lot of faith.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Disobedience as seen in disobedience
"they have been filled with every kind of wickedness... they disobey their parents... although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them"
Romans 1:29-32
Learning to live with my parents (especially my quarrelsome mum) has been a big reason for why I left CAPT, for why I felt guilty whenever I thought of the convenience of living there. You see, 2 years of seeming good relationship with my mum was put to the test this summer holiday. It was the distance, not any real change in me, that explains the superficial improvement.
At any rate, this verse I read tonight was a chilling reminder. How often have I thought of disobedience towards my parents as something of a non-sin? Something that is but a good to have, that is by no means as grievous as the archetypal robbing and murder? But in these verses the bible is clear, disobedience towards parents (of course this needs to be qualified, but let's take it as self-evident for now) are against God's decree and very deserving of death.
The other chilly part of this verse is how we approve of those who also disobey their parents. It's the cool thing isn't it? To speak badly about our parents, to boast about our latest episode of rebellion. To affirm others when they say that their parents are stupid, to encourage them to continue in their disobedience...
Oh God, help us to have what it takes to obey our parents in the right way, help us also to encourage our peers to love their parents, to treat them with honour and respect. Help us to turn the tables on this unhealthy, unholy culture.
Romans 1:29-32
Learning to live with my parents (especially my quarrelsome mum) has been a big reason for why I left CAPT, for why I felt guilty whenever I thought of the convenience of living there. You see, 2 years of seeming good relationship with my mum was put to the test this summer holiday. It was the distance, not any real change in me, that explains the superficial improvement.
At any rate, this verse I read tonight was a chilling reminder. How often have I thought of disobedience towards my parents as something of a non-sin? Something that is but a good to have, that is by no means as grievous as the archetypal robbing and murder? But in these verses the bible is clear, disobedience towards parents (of course this needs to be qualified, but let's take it as self-evident for now) are against God's decree and very deserving of death.
The other chilly part of this verse is how we approve of those who also disobey their parents. It's the cool thing isn't it? To speak badly about our parents, to boast about our latest episode of rebellion. To affirm others when they say that their parents are stupid, to encourage them to continue in their disobedience...
Oh God, help us to have what it takes to obey our parents in the right way, help us also to encourage our peers to love their parents, to treat them with honour and respect. Help us to turn the tables on this unhealthy, unholy culture.
Monday, August 11, 2014
deficit of thanksgiving
It's not unheard that I was not pleased to see that I scored high for "D" in DISC test.
"D" is for dominance and is known as the "leader" trait.
I don't like to think that I'm high in dominance, I know personally that I actually prefer to be part of the team rather than to be the team leader. Fair enough, I find myself frequently taking over the leader in those situations, but I have no desire nor enjoyment of the authority of a leader. I detest it, I want to get it off me.
And as my results were flashed for all to see, the "there!" "knew it!" etc. came as I anticipated them to come. That greatly displeased me because it seemed to cement the idea that putting me as head of youth ministry was the right choice.
I don't like to think of it as a the right choice because I'm not in my most comfortable and, as I'd like to think, ideal position. I don't think I work best there, I think sometimes I really just make a blunder of leadership. I had wished the results would prove otherwise, that they may take a closer look at me once again and affirm that I was indeed not the man for the job.
It doesn't help that I was made to be the class rep in my module today. First lesson and I was singled out by the professor to be the class rep. I hate to think that perhaps there are perceivable, stereotypical, leadership qualities in me.
But I wonder if I were behaving to the best of my ability. What if somehow I accept these duties. What if I say
Dear Lord I'm nothing
And I'm surprised that You saw it fit to gift these things to me
So I thank You for everything
Let my service do the talking
Amen
I'm not playing that reluctant leader anymore. I'm taking ownership of the things you've placed me in charge of.
If anything, as thanksgiving for all you've given me.
"D" is for dominance and is known as the "leader" trait.
I don't like to think that I'm high in dominance, I know personally that I actually prefer to be part of the team rather than to be the team leader. Fair enough, I find myself frequently taking over the leader in those situations, but I have no desire nor enjoyment of the authority of a leader. I detest it, I want to get it off me.
And as my results were flashed for all to see, the "there!" "knew it!" etc. came as I anticipated them to come. That greatly displeased me because it seemed to cement the idea that putting me as head of youth ministry was the right choice.
I don't like to think of it as a the right choice because I'm not in my most comfortable and, as I'd like to think, ideal position. I don't think I work best there, I think sometimes I really just make a blunder of leadership. I had wished the results would prove otherwise, that they may take a closer look at me once again and affirm that I was indeed not the man for the job.
It doesn't help that I was made to be the class rep in my module today. First lesson and I was singled out by the professor to be the class rep. I hate to think that perhaps there are perceivable, stereotypical, leadership qualities in me.
But I wonder if I were behaving to the best of my ability. What if somehow I accept these duties. What if I say
Dear Lord I'm nothing
And I'm surprised that You saw it fit to gift these things to me
So I thank You for everything
Let my service do the talking
Amen
I'm not playing that reluctant leader anymore. I'm taking ownership of the things you've placed me in charge of.
If anything, as thanksgiving for all you've given me.
Thursday, August 07, 2014
top tip for BGR
If you only want to be a couple and not friends
the thing you're after is nothing but sex.
the thing you're after is nothing but sex.
Monday, August 04, 2014
The Question to Ask
Today marks the first of 5 sessions on the theory and practical of being a lector.
I think I've discovered the pivotal question.
Do you believe that lives can be changed when verse reading is done properly?
If I do, the rest of this course will benefit me. If I don't, it's 1 hour wasted and 4 hours more to go.
I think I believe.
I think I've discovered the pivotal question.
Do you believe that lives can be changed when verse reading is done properly?
If I do, the rest of this course will benefit me. If I don't, it's 1 hour wasted and 4 hours more to go.
I think I believe.
The GAZA problem
It's a real big thing on Facebook now. Everyone's just strongly taking sides and I don't even know what to think anymore.
Of course, I tend towards siding Israel, but lately it's because I think HAMAS is a bigger idiot.
And here's the thing about the people who post stuff on Facebook. Many of them condemn one party but do not necessarily condone the other. One may say that this is a good thing, they're being objective at least, perhaps being at the same time ashamed of both sides. That's naive.
To me, I think the ideal situation is one where both sides are condemned. I mean if you think that they're both behaving contemptibly, surely you ought to condemn them both? What's the point of leaving out one side in the comments you make? Surely it's because you mean to acquit the other by pointing out the atrocities of another.
That's just the first observation.
2nd observation is the overt anti-semitic sentiments. People post stuff like "Growing racism in Israel" and conclude with their own comment that there's now a form of Israel Nazism. Wow, just wow. How are these idiots permitted to draw such far-fetched conclusions with such inconsistency? There are quite a few people who regularly insinuate that Israel is conducting genocide. Aside from giving these guys a U for general paper I'd also wish them a punch in the face. It's so, so, despicable to ride on the current crisis to assert their petty preconceptions about Israel.
Sadly, there's a trend. My muslim friends are generally supporting palestine and christian friends, Israel. We need a neutral voice but... maybe it doesn't come across as something particularly spectacular and worthy of attention to most. It is like an article pointed out, it's quite a small crisis, really. Well, compared to ISIS and Syria, of course it's small.
In response, I've resolved to remove from my news feed the postings of these idiots. But here's where there's potential for another problem.
One thing characterising this whole extreme side-taking appears to be a severe misrepresentation of the current situation by reputable news lines and junky ones alike. It's the very one-sided story telling. By shutting out these voices from my feed on Facebook, am I consciously creating an environment of one-sided story telling when I am currently having the privilege of hearing from both sides of the story?
Wow that's just inconvenient and irritating.
Of course, I tend towards siding Israel, but lately it's because I think HAMAS is a bigger idiot.
And here's the thing about the people who post stuff on Facebook. Many of them condemn one party but do not necessarily condone the other. One may say that this is a good thing, they're being objective at least, perhaps being at the same time ashamed of both sides. That's naive.
To me, I think the ideal situation is one where both sides are condemned. I mean if you think that they're both behaving contemptibly, surely you ought to condemn them both? What's the point of leaving out one side in the comments you make? Surely it's because you mean to acquit the other by pointing out the atrocities of another.
That's just the first observation.
2nd observation is the overt anti-semitic sentiments. People post stuff like "Growing racism in Israel" and conclude with their own comment that there's now a form of Israel Nazism. Wow, just wow. How are these idiots permitted to draw such far-fetched conclusions with such inconsistency? There are quite a few people who regularly insinuate that Israel is conducting genocide. Aside from giving these guys a U for general paper I'd also wish them a punch in the face. It's so, so, despicable to ride on the current crisis to assert their petty preconceptions about Israel.
Sadly, there's a trend. My muslim friends are generally supporting palestine and christian friends, Israel. We need a neutral voice but... maybe it doesn't come across as something particularly spectacular and worthy of attention to most. It is like an article pointed out, it's quite a small crisis, really. Well, compared to ISIS and Syria, of course it's small.
In response, I've resolved to remove from my news feed the postings of these idiots. But here's where there's potential for another problem.
One thing characterising this whole extreme side-taking appears to be a severe misrepresentation of the current situation by reputable news lines and junky ones alike. It's the very one-sided story telling. By shutting out these voices from my feed on Facebook, am I consciously creating an environment of one-sided story telling when I am currently having the privilege of hearing from both sides of the story?
Wow that's just inconvenient and irritating.
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