"Now therefore stand still and see this great thing that the Lord will do before your eyes. Is it not wheat harvest today? I will call upon the Lord, that he may send thunder and rain. And you shall know and see that your wickedness is great, which you have done in the sight of the Lord, in asking for yourselves a king.” So Samuel called upon the Lord, and the Lord sent thunder and rain that day, and all the people greatly feared the Lord and Samuel.
And all the people said to Samuel, “Pray for your servants to the Lord your God, that we may not die, for we have added to all our sins this evil, to ask for ourselves a king.” And Samuel said to the people, “Do not be afraid; you have done all this evil. Yet do not turn aside from following the Lord, but serve the Lord with all your heart. And do not turn aside after empty things that cannot profit or deliver, for they are empty. For the Lord will not forsake his people, for his great name's sake, because it has pleased the Lord to make you a people for himself. Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by ceasing to pray for you, and I will instruct you in the good and the right way. Only fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you. But if you still do wickedly, you shall be swept away, both you and your king"
(1 Samuel 12:16-25)
I remember this verse from bible study nearly 3 years ago.
What caught my eye today was Samuel saying "do not be afraid; you have done all this evil. Yet do not turn aside from following the Lord, but serve the lord with all your heart."
So the first thing Samuel tells us is that the only appropriate reaction to our unfaithfulness is to strive towards faithfulness. The only reaction we have towards failure is to rise and try to follow God again.
Next he says "for the Lord will not forsake his people, for his great name's sake, because it has pleased the Lord to make you a people for Himself"
This is the basis for our impudent "I have sinned but I now shall follow the Lord." We dare follow only because we know what he desires– to make us a people for Himself.
Finally, "moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by ceasing to pray for you, and I will instruct you in the good and right way." This part gives me an idea of how I ought to react to the transgressions of others.
I think I find myself often provoked to anger... and in being so, forgetting to pray, forgetting to instruct, simply standing aside, folding my arms and scowling.
Far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by refusing to pray and refusing to consider how and instruct them in the right way.
Chapter 10:9
When he turned his back to leave Samuel, God gave him another heart.
In the same manner, change my heart too.
Monday, March 30, 2015
Sunday, March 29, 2015
endo and exonormative standards
A quick one on the definitions.
Endo- means inside or within, exo- means the opposite of endo-.
In linguistics literature we gleam this enthusiasm and optimism about the so-called endonormative standards. It is also associated with being participative and "natural".
For instance, Widdowson (1994) wrote that "the essential point is that a standard English, like other varieties of language, develops endo-normatively, by a continuing process of self-regulation, as appropriate to different conditions of use" (pp. 386).
Just take a short while to appreciate what endonormativity is. It is the development of a standard from within, through a process of self-regulation.
Now, take also a short while to imagine it, the process of self-regulation.
Self-regulation is pretty much the antonym of exonormativity. Exonomativity is about the application of an external standard, self-regulation on the other hand, has no particular perpetrator, no power relations (?). After all, when you self-regulate you are the person doing things to yourself. It is therefore a standard which is fair, participative and naturally arising... if only it were possible to be perfectly self-regulating.
The way I imagine it, endonormativity is not quite like that. In the end, some people set the trend and the rest follow. The internet is one place where you see this. Many people know how to speak the so-called new languages such as the "doge" or "lolcat" but do they all contribute to its formation? It is more like a few influential users and a whole crowd of followers. The norm is not as participative as we imagine it to be.
Perhaps, you can even say that it is in some sense, Exonormative. After all, the setters of the standards are distinct from their followers. Their followers are not part of the self-regulation of the standard (although this is certainly debatable), and so indeed, receive it from beyond themselves.
Finally the notion of "natural" is really suspicious. How is one human action (imposition of exonormative standards) any less "natural" than another (a self-regulating norm). If language is the product of the human mind then certainly we should not be talking about norms as being "imposed" upon it as though it were existing independently from the mind and thus allowing human minds to act upon it as intruders?
Why, the imposition of norms is the very creation of language itself.
For now I really don't buy it. I don't buy the associations of participation and naturalness.
Endo- means inside or within, exo- means the opposite of endo-.
In linguistics literature we gleam this enthusiasm and optimism about the so-called endonormative standards. It is also associated with being participative and "natural".
For instance, Widdowson (1994) wrote that "the essential point is that a standard English, like other varieties of language, develops endo-normatively, by a continuing process of self-regulation, as appropriate to different conditions of use" (pp. 386).
Just take a short while to appreciate what endonormativity is. It is the development of a standard from within, through a process of self-regulation.
Now, take also a short while to imagine it, the process of self-regulation.
Self-regulation is pretty much the antonym of exonormativity. Exonomativity is about the application of an external standard, self-regulation on the other hand, has no particular perpetrator, no power relations (?). After all, when you self-regulate you are the person doing things to yourself. It is therefore a standard which is fair, participative and naturally arising... if only it were possible to be perfectly self-regulating.
The way I imagine it, endonormativity is not quite like that. In the end, some people set the trend and the rest follow. The internet is one place where you see this. Many people know how to speak the so-called new languages such as the "doge" or "lolcat" but do they all contribute to its formation? It is more like a few influential users and a whole crowd of followers. The norm is not as participative as we imagine it to be.
Perhaps, you can even say that it is in some sense, Exonormative. After all, the setters of the standards are distinct from their followers. Their followers are not part of the self-regulation of the standard (although this is certainly debatable), and so indeed, receive it from beyond themselves.
Finally the notion of "natural" is really suspicious. How is one human action (imposition of exonormative standards) any less "natural" than another (a self-regulating norm). If language is the product of the human mind then certainly we should not be talking about norms as being "imposed" upon it as though it were existing independently from the mind and thus allowing human minds to act upon it as intruders?
Why, the imposition of norms is the very creation of language itself.
For now I really don't buy it. I don't buy the associations of participation and naturalness.
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Future Vindication
Is it controversial to think oneself as frequently misunderstood?
Is it less controversial if there exists other people who affirm the view?
Sometimes I feel like people don't suppose I can have genuine feelings or views.
Sometimes I think their frowns are telling me they do not approve, that they think I am artificial, pretending, once again trying to be extra. That I am skeptical, that I think that makes me look clever.
Someday I'll be vindicated. Someday they shall see me for who I really am.
On that day I pray I find myself to be who I've always imagined myself to be.
Is it less controversial if there exists other people who affirm the view?
Sometimes I feel like people don't suppose I can have genuine feelings or views.
Sometimes I think their frowns are telling me they do not approve, that they think I am artificial, pretending, once again trying to be extra. That I am skeptical, that I think that makes me look clever.
Someday I'll be vindicated. Someday they shall see me for who I really am.
On that day I pray I find myself to be who I've always imagined myself to be.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Adoration Overkill.
When my friends tell me that they're really sad about Lee Kuan Yew's passing, the first thought crossing my mind has been "really meh?"
Of course this skepticism has its roots in the fact that I don't particularly feel a sense of loss. I don't, and I am not ashamed because I feel that this is not arising from any misgivings:
1. I think and affirm the fact that Singapore is a successful state, one unlike any other.
2. I affirm that LKY is a remarkable gentleman who conceived of visions many didn't even dare to picture.
3. Despite his flaws, in aggregate he is still a pretty amazing individual who has existed.
4. I do not doubt his passion and true concern and love for my country.
However, on the other hand, I barely know the man. Try as I may to provoke any emotion in myself, I cannot. And perhaps this is proper, since I can only genuinely react to his passing as far as my knowledge of him permits me. I know the facts about him but I can scarcely be said to know him as a person at all. My emotional response to him, therefore, is on par with what can be expected of me.
On the other hand, what can be said of the rest of the people? I'm certain that many of them don't actually love the man. They just think that it is proper to make a spectacle of it. They think that it is proper to mourn and wail about him. Have they wondered if they are in the position to do so? This is where it is an eyesore for me.
These people... they talk as if they've known the man intimately. They talk as though they have been consistently and coherently admiring the man. But who really has?
Is there anyone else getting tired of how the articles published are beginning to make a myth of the man? They're talking about how he is perfect in every way. It began with being an outstanding politician... and then he's a good husband, a good father, a generally good man who inspires all around him, he's the carefree guy who chats with uncles in the GRC and hand-holds them on how to start grassroots committees... He's just outstanding in every way, we've never seen a man like him.
To me, these are insults. I believe that my indignation arises from noticing that these mythical processes are actually a disservice to his legacy. It is as though who he really is isn't sufficient or worthy of respect and admiration, one must find many other tangential claims to indulge themselves further...
Cognisant of how the entirety of Facebook has gone all the way to wallowing in his passing, I cannot even post this there. I just hope that people will slow down and think about it... to consider if they have valid reasons to be upset so they don't just stagger after the crowd, intoxicated by this synthetic sadness, and instead, actually give LKY some real respect he deserves.
Of course this skepticism has its roots in the fact that I don't particularly feel a sense of loss. I don't, and I am not ashamed because I feel that this is not arising from any misgivings:
1. I think and affirm the fact that Singapore is a successful state, one unlike any other.
2. I affirm that LKY is a remarkable gentleman who conceived of visions many didn't even dare to picture.
3. Despite his flaws, in aggregate he is still a pretty amazing individual who has existed.
4. I do not doubt his passion and true concern and love for my country.
However, on the other hand, I barely know the man. Try as I may to provoke any emotion in myself, I cannot. And perhaps this is proper, since I can only genuinely react to his passing as far as my knowledge of him permits me. I know the facts about him but I can scarcely be said to know him as a person at all. My emotional response to him, therefore, is on par with what can be expected of me.
On the other hand, what can be said of the rest of the people? I'm certain that many of them don't actually love the man. They just think that it is proper to make a spectacle of it. They think that it is proper to mourn and wail about him. Have they wondered if they are in the position to do so? This is where it is an eyesore for me.
These people... they talk as if they've known the man intimately. They talk as though they have been consistently and coherently admiring the man. But who really has?
Is there anyone else getting tired of how the articles published are beginning to make a myth of the man? They're talking about how he is perfect in every way. It began with being an outstanding politician... and then he's a good husband, a good father, a generally good man who inspires all around him, he's the carefree guy who chats with uncles in the GRC and hand-holds them on how to start grassroots committees... He's just outstanding in every way, we've never seen a man like him.
To me, these are insults. I believe that my indignation arises from noticing that these mythical processes are actually a disservice to his legacy. It is as though who he really is isn't sufficient or worthy of respect and admiration, one must find many other tangential claims to indulge themselves further...
Cognisant of how the entirety of Facebook has gone all the way to wallowing in his passing, I cannot even post this there. I just hope that people will slow down and think about it... to consider if they have valid reasons to be upset so they don't just stagger after the crowd, intoxicated by this synthetic sadness, and instead, actually give LKY some real respect he deserves.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Not so well
You know the thing about having a blog... is how it tells you that you're quite fickle.
Because everything is recorded, my former thoughts are ever accusing my latter.
I think the sensation of optimism has largely waned and perhaps, as some would say, it is finally sinking in. This was a big problem for me the past few days, but I wasn't left to face it alone.
When the going gets tough, tough get going. I see that this is true now in another sense. Tough going makes the priorities in life so much clearer. It also shows me the areas in which I am lacking. Somehow God's word speaks out louder than ever as well, with random Facebook posts and sharings pointing and re-pointing me to God.
http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/five-pieces-of-advice-for-young-men
Check this out. I hope it'll help you as it did for me.
Have a plan for maturity. I don't know if I've ever thought of pursuing maturity for itself. As far as I can remember, maturity was an instrument to reach what immaturity cannot reach for me. It was also a reaction to the growing responsibilities in life. Do I think of it as a good thing? I probably only thought of it as necessary.
I suppose the challenges in life are meant for the shaping of our character... but perhaps the test of a true man is that he is always pursuing growth, not waiting for his environment to require it of him. After all, if perfection is what we are chasing, there's no time to sit and wait for circumstances.
Investing in your friends. Well, I have no male friends I can look up to. At least, none of them particularly inspires me (or maybe I'm too arrogant to see why I should be inspired). The ones who may... well they're really too busy for any of this business. I think I need to take this seriously. There are many things I keep to myself because I do not know of anyone I can share them with... and perhaps they are things which are inappropriate to share with girls. Well this is certainly an area of lack in my life... it's time to stop joking about it, in a certain conceited manner because haha I have so many female friends, and actually get down to finding some.
I'm not so well... and then again, I am well.
This is what it means to be safe in the hands of God I suppose.
Because everything is recorded, my former thoughts are ever accusing my latter.
I think the sensation of optimism has largely waned and perhaps, as some would say, it is finally sinking in. This was a big problem for me the past few days, but I wasn't left to face it alone.
When the going gets tough, tough get going. I see that this is true now in another sense. Tough going makes the priorities in life so much clearer. It also shows me the areas in which I am lacking. Somehow God's word speaks out louder than ever as well, with random Facebook posts and sharings pointing and re-pointing me to God.
http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/five-pieces-of-advice-for-young-men
Check this out. I hope it'll help you as it did for me.
Have a plan for maturity. I don't know if I've ever thought of pursuing maturity for itself. As far as I can remember, maturity was an instrument to reach what immaturity cannot reach for me. It was also a reaction to the growing responsibilities in life. Do I think of it as a good thing? I probably only thought of it as necessary.
I suppose the challenges in life are meant for the shaping of our character... but perhaps the test of a true man is that he is always pursuing growth, not waiting for his environment to require it of him. After all, if perfection is what we are chasing, there's no time to sit and wait for circumstances.
Investing in your friends. Well, I have no male friends I can look up to. At least, none of them particularly inspires me (or maybe I'm too arrogant to see why I should be inspired). The ones who may... well they're really too busy for any of this business. I think I need to take this seriously. There are many things I keep to myself because I do not know of anyone I can share them with... and perhaps they are things which are inappropriate to share with girls. Well this is certainly an area of lack in my life... it's time to stop joking about it, in a certain conceited manner because haha I have so many female friends, and actually get down to finding some.
I'm not so well... and then again, I am well.
This is what it means to be safe in the hands of God I suppose.
Difference
While we busied ourselves with our work and other preoccupations (included this in to include myself), there's this group of people who busied living lives greater then their own.
I heard they're from the EL majors' prayer group. I thank God for them and I pray that God commemorates the choice they have made with their time.
hope
Uncertain hope is not hopeful at all. It is incredibly unsettling.
Certain hope is where encouragement is.
Help me to consider the certainty of your promises.
Let my heart not despair over and over again.
Hebrews 6:18
God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Sunday, March 15, 2015
She said "no"
and so.. she said "no".
This is probably my first time experiencing a solid "no" in my life.
But she didn't ask me to stop liking her. Neither did she ask me to give up hope.
She said "just let nature take its course" and that now at least we can speak naturally.
I don't know if any of those build up hope and set me up for disappointment, but talking to her over this and seeing how well she handled it, not without imperfection, man!
She now appears lovelier than ever.
If I've never truly liked her, now I do.
And yet... I'm beginning to be able to enjoy her company as a friend.
The "no" didn't affect me in a way I thought it would.
This is probably my first time experiencing a solid "no" in my life.
But she didn't ask me to stop liking her. Neither did she ask me to give up hope.
She said "just let nature take its course" and that now at least we can speak naturally.
I don't know if any of those build up hope and set me up for disappointment, but talking to her over this and seeing how well she handled it, not without imperfection, man!
She now appears lovelier than ever.
If I've never truly liked her, now I do.
And yet... I'm beginning to be able to enjoy her company as a friend.
The "no" didn't affect me in a way I thought it would.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
limit
I'll know a lot more on Thursday than I know today.
I'm not certain what the suspense is supposed to serve, but I suppose I can trust in my cousin's judgment.
Today, more than ever, I feel at peace, at peace with getting whatever the answer may be. Yes, no, maybe... it doesn't matter that much anymore. I'm not going to be too upset about it, too hopeless after it, too anxious about it.
I'm eager to know, but I'm just eager and that's all (I hope).
In my mind, in my heart now, I feel a sense of shame.
Shame for making such a big deal of it. There are limits to what we can feel.
As in, there are feelings that we are not justified to have.
When I sit down and think about it, it's not like we were ever really close.
It's not like we have many shared memories, it's not like I was ever there when she was in need, it's not like she had any big part in my life either.
In this way, there isn't much of a pity, not much space for a sense of waste and loss.
Do I even know this person? Can I even truly admire her? What do I even know of her?
These realizations are putting me in my place.
I am not in the position for big reactions. Big reactions seem... unjustified, unreasonable, unconsidered. They shall have no place in me.
I should let this simmer. I should think it over.
Though I can't say I won't be sad.
on the other hand, with You, I can certainly do better.
With You, I can certainly afford greater sorrow and remorse.
With You I have spent a lifetime, with You I've walked every moment of my life.
You were there when I was alone and you will be where no one can go.
You will find me even when I hide myself away, Your eyes are never fooled, Your thoughts about me, truer than the thoughts I have of myself.
For You there are no limits. There's no limit to what I should feel towards You.
So I beg You, teach me remorse, teach me sorrow.
I beg You, fill me with joy, satisfy me with pleasures.
May I find everyday worth living, may the gladness of my heart match the smile on my face.
May I be convinced, zealous, unrelenting.
Disciplined, in self control, awake, sober.
I have no goodness besides You.
So come, come still my heart and steel my mind.
Be my righteousness.
I'm not certain what the suspense is supposed to serve, but I suppose I can trust in my cousin's judgment.
Today, more than ever, I feel at peace, at peace with getting whatever the answer may be. Yes, no, maybe... it doesn't matter that much anymore. I'm not going to be too upset about it, too hopeless after it, too anxious about it.
I'm eager to know, but I'm just eager and that's all (I hope).
In my mind, in my heart now, I feel a sense of shame.
Shame for making such a big deal of it. There are limits to what we can feel.
As in, there are feelings that we are not justified to have.
When I sit down and think about it, it's not like we were ever really close.
It's not like we have many shared memories, it's not like I was ever there when she was in need, it's not like she had any big part in my life either.
In this way, there isn't much of a pity, not much space for a sense of waste and loss.
Do I even know this person? Can I even truly admire her? What do I even know of her?
These realizations are putting me in my place.
I am not in the position for big reactions. Big reactions seem... unjustified, unreasonable, unconsidered. They shall have no place in me.
I should let this simmer. I should think it over.
Though I can't say I won't be sad.
on the other hand, with You, I can certainly do better.
With You, I can certainly afford greater sorrow and remorse.
With You I have spent a lifetime, with You I've walked every moment of my life.
You were there when I was alone and you will be where no one can go.
You will find me even when I hide myself away, Your eyes are never fooled, Your thoughts about me, truer than the thoughts I have of myself.
For You there are no limits. There's no limit to what I should feel towards You.
So I beg You, teach me remorse, teach me sorrow.
I beg You, fill me with joy, satisfy me with pleasures.
May I find everyday worth living, may the gladness of my heart match the smile on my face.
May I be convinced, zealous, unrelenting.
Disciplined, in self control, awake, sober.
I have no goodness besides You.
So come, come still my heart and steel my mind.
Be my righteousness.
Saturday, March 07, 2015
Leader
I am attending a conference about disciple-making now and this is what I wrote on my booklet:
It is a very sad day for the church when the man they nominated for leadership is discovered to be very much after other things.
Things other than the making of disciples.
Well, I am that man I speak of.
I still hear the Lord calling to me, He is asking me to surrender everything.
Will you join me in surrender?
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