The Cross?

It's Chinese New Year. My Chinese church celebrates this day everyday. I don't know why they do it. I'm sure people do it for different reasons, today the reason was highlighted as that of thanksgiving.

That's new year stuff isn't it, you look back and give thanks for the previous lunar year.

After service was the usual slacking around in the sanctuary while waiting for our parents to get ready to leave. While waiting we'd take photographs and they'd join us for a brief shot before leaving together.

People love to take a photo with the cross at the backdrop. Again, I'm certain that the reasons are many and distinct.
But is the cross open to such interpretation? I know of this ornament Christians love. It's a plaque which has the words "Christ is the Lord of this house".
Perhaps that's the main reason. When we take such photos we want to look at them some time down the road and pat our own shoulders and say,
"behold, we have chosen the cross as the backdrop, surely God is with us."

But the cross? I will never forget the book The Radical Cross by Tozer. It was the one which reminded me that I should not be drawn away by the ornamental beauty of the cross as featured today- nice pendants, polished prime wood. No, Tozer reminded me that the cross is an instrument of death and execution. The cross hanging by our necks or affixed on the sanctuary wall is a reminder for us to die everyday, indeed, to put the old man to death.

Jesus' words are not in vain when he says that we are to carry our cross to follow Him daily.
The cross, the cross. Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live.

When the cross is set behind my family, this is what I think. We shall be a family of people who die daily. We shall strive to put to death the anger, bitterness, carelessness which accompanies our mutual familiarity (and the seemingly unavoidable taking of each other for granted).

I pray they think the same.

Reunion

I've been telling everyone that ever since my grandparents died the extended family ceased gathering together for reunion.
My mum's side is still fine, we gather together on the first day of new year. I'm closer to the cousins on that side too.

But okay that's really the sidenote.

I just wanted to type down what went through my mind during dinner tonight so I don't forget (or so I feel duly guilty if I do).

As we sat around the table with the pot trembling ever so slightly at the center, my dad led us in prayer. Suddenly I felt that I am really grateful to God that they are alive and that we were sitting together for dinner. I also thought of how... of how someday things will be different because they won't always be around.

And for the first time I felt sad at the thought, I used to say that I won't cry when they leave.
But from tonight onwards, I'm certain I will.

Putting Ministry into the Hands of God

A few weeks ago (actually it really is just a few weeks, gosh, time is crawling in 2014) when I first heard of the support program for the teenagers in church, I fumed.

First it was hurts. It seemed like people were taking their liberties to take whatever manpower's left in my fellowship to benefit theirs.
Then as my mind travelled to the bigger picture it was blame. I blamed God for making us work with such a restrictive manpower size with so many spiritual mouths to feed. I was angry, sad, helpless.

Today, I was reminded that this plan is going ahead, and the names of the people sought after by the program is out. These people will soon find themselves spending 2 of their Saturday with the teens instead of at fellowship with us.
The same emotion arose from the depths of my heart.

But then I quenched it.

I began by asking myself
"what are you really so afraid of? why can you not let these people go?"
And I realised that I was afraid that the cell groups would suffer, since these names were those who were spiritually mature. I was afraid that the fellowship would crumble under their frequent absence.

But then I remembered what Jireh told me, he said that I should learn to leave my ministry in the hands of God.
And so I did. I started to see that resource directed to any member of the body would benefit the body as a whole...
And so I sat down to write a letter. I exhorted them to guide the teens in a way such that they can grow and become future assets for the young adults ministry too.

God, I hope you take to mind the faith I had in You.

I know You do.

Venture into Political Science

I asked Chris about this module on Monday. Turns out I have the better lecturer (in his opinion)
It's pretty interesting.

We have a break during lecture, during which he will give us an inconsequential, informational quiz about governance in Singapore to supplement our learning.

Yeap, interesting.

Joshua tells these leaders of Israel to put their feet on the necks of these kings, and then he proclaims,

Do not be afraid or dismayed; be strong and courageous. For thus the Lᴏʀᴅ will do to all your enemies against whom you fight. (Joshua 10:25)

If you believe, work.

Musical

Interesting experience at the chorus today.

When we gathered my hopes were high. Afterall, these people did volunteer to be in the chorus.

And so began the rollercoaster of expectations.

But in the end I think it's for the better that some of the girls aren't really choir trained.
It kind of... gave the experienced ones amongst us more reason to be even there.

And it's not as though the guys did not enjoy bulldozing the songs.

All in all it's a pretty good experience, though... really time consuming.

We'll see how it goes, fingers crossed. If everyone puts in necessary effort I believe we can shape up to be an acceptable chorus.

The Humble Leader

I cannot imagine that I'm actually reading a leadership book. For years I've frowned at them.
I've always thought that they exist to help people con their way into leadership.
"do this, do that and walla!"

But what if I find myself agreeing to the logic, what if I found myself appreciating the wisdom in the pages? What if I found that the things I need to do as a leader corresponds to things about my character that I need to change?

This book, humilitas is a one stone kill two birds. It talks about humility and how that makes a good leader.

In the chapter, inspiration, the author wrote about a common obstacle in leadership. It is the ego.
"When employees suspect the leader is in it for himself, they lose motivation or, worse, start imitating him and looking for what they themselves can squeeze out of the organization."

It makes things hard when people in the organization think the leader is after personal glory and not a corporate goal. I found it so insightful.

I think back at my breakdown just 6 days ago when I reflected on how many things are in need to be done for our fellowship. I think I brought the message across poorly because I brought a wrong message across.

You know, as much as it is affirming that nearly everyone voted for me to head the ministry, it's also stumbling. It has been a source of pride, as perhaps being in adult sunday school was, and it made me worry excessively over the success of the strategies. I the shortcomings very personally to be a reflection of personal competency and at the same time made my committee members feel like tools.

I want to make a conscious effort to lay this ego down. I want to put the corporate goal at the forefront.
Sometimes that'll require me to admit my mistakes and ditch my ideas.

I'm ready for that.

Pondering Shi Min's Departure

She's still the same, forgetting the time, flying from conversations to another.
I see that she has good friends. Friends who have come to accommodate her character as I have.
They get dropped off conversations but they smile. They turn to look at each other and there's understanding in their eyes, they spontaneously celebrate Shi Min for who she is.

It's great.

Can I be blamed for enjoying how the guy didn't really get to have his way with her?
I'm glad he didn't. It's good that she's a conservative little girl. It spared her mum the (potential) heartbreak. But her mum was watching, and she's not stupid. I think she knows.

The short hour flew by as I spoke with people I roughly knew, occasionally picking up my camera to take a photo for her and her friends.

As the clock moved beyond 11, groups of people began to leave. In the end it was just me, 3 of her OG friends, her family and her. Even that guy left. She picks up her bag and started for the gate. At this moment the 4th OG friend appeared, sprinting across the stretch of terminal 3 departure. It's 1115. We congratulate him for making it, because no one else but Shi Min would enter the gates so late.

She walks off to the gates, alone, with no entourage. I started for the mrt station, at which I heard that the last train to the west had already left.

But as I edited the photos on my tablet, my mind was awake, awake to one particular moment which just felt strange.

It was the baileys. That the group of us had a cup of baileys each before she left. Having a ridiculously low tolerance for alcohol, I felt like even that single cup inflicted some change on her.
(oh but the funny thing is, she's drunk even when she's not on alcohol, so it's really hard to tell)

Unless, it was when she spoke to me she sounded sober, or was it sad. Her voice strangely restrained. I can't shake off that moment, wondering if I'm missing anything she's telling me about her and her outlook of the exchange programme.
I asked if she was feeling sad, at all, to which she repeatedly replied that she was happy.

but you know, without strength behind the words.

So I went home puzzled.
Maybe:
1. alcohol
2. inevitable pre-exchange sadness
3. the 8 day rush post Myanmar OCIP depression
4. the state of affairs with that guy

lol.

A verse for the arrogant

Found this verse while preparing for Sunday School yesterday at the airport.

Jeremiah 9:24 But let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.”

As you can see, it's a verse for the boastful.

What do I see? I see God making an allowance for boasting. Let anyone who wants to be proud of something choose this to be proud of. If anything, it seems that in God eyes, this, knowing him to be the God who practices steadfast love, justice and righteousness everywhere, is the pinnacle of life accomplishments.

I think to know Him for what He is, to really know Him to be as He says He requires me to experience His works such that when I think back on them, I can say, soberly
"Yes, You are who You are"

And that's really a life achievement. To experience God so fully I know Him to be who He says He is.

And it is humbling, because the greatest boast will have nothing to do with me.

First fellowship session of 2014. How do I summarize it? I think... I feel challenged?

Is that too positive a word or shall I just say I'm stressed. Stressed and taking it in a wrong way. Am I often overreacting or do people often.. underreact?

Oh God I feel so immensely inadequate and fearful!

I think of Sunday School, School and the musical and I feel like I'm in such lack of time!
It feels like there are just so so many things.

The unhealthy size of the cell groups (they really feel too huge now) to the uncertain future of the fellowship...

God I am of man of little faith, please go easy on me.

luke 6:46 -49

46 “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? 47 As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. 48 They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. 49 But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”

James 1:22-25
22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

But sometimes, 

I really don't know what to do. 

A sure investment

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

Psalms 34:8

It seems that it is God's design, that we should stick our tongues out to taste. 

What does this mean in real life? I remember once over supper Soh Heng said this to me.

He said that he is fine with his daughter rejecting food, but only after she has tasted it at least once. That's pretty reasonable to me and really I see myself doing the same to my children in future. 

But simply tasting the food once is something I've known through experience to be a very difficult thing. The distrust, the presumption, the utter lack of faith that putting the food in my mouth will be rewarding is enough to persuade me to not try it. 

But what if a culinary expert took a little of something He made and asked me to taste it, guaranteeing on his on reputation that I will certainly find it good? 

That's what God wants us to do. This is the design. It all begins with an act of faith, of trust. 

How do I know if I would not be disappointed as I live my life for God this year? How do I know that it will be good if I give the best of my time to Him? 

I look back at the 22 years I have lived. There is evidence alright, I have tasted and known its goodness. 

Let my tongue make its way out of my mouth once more, 

For I shall taste and see that the LORD is good. 

The song 我的心你要称颂耶和华is a very apt song to end off the year.

It speaks of how we should praise the Lord, making effort to not forget the things He has done for us. How great his love and mercy has been in our lives and how far He has taken our iniquity from us are highlights in the chorus. It calls to mind two significant ways God works in our lives.

A remembrance of the faithfulness of God, at the start of a new year, there is no better song.