its days like these approaching the end
where i find myself on my knees
recounting the past events, each representing itself as 'a regret'
as i recalled the glorious morning i stood before the school
and declared that i was going to be the next top scorer
as i read in the bible that i should study for the Glory of God
shortly after which i grit my teeth to finish a math tutorial
As i remember how i stubbornly pursued an unbeliever
how i laid down my time to teach erin chem
how i gave my friends an impression that i was really cocky
how i wriggled past my promotional exams.
how i renewed a spirit of combat to deal with the 2nd year
how i patted myself on the back for having found 'true' love.

and then..
how i frenzied myself in a lunatic sacrifice of some of my friends just to spend time with her
how i protested against the clique's outing methods
how i broke into tears and stretched my arm towards the ceiling
and cried "God if you're there, grab my hand and tell me everything's going to be alright"
how i pretended like i was cool with everything she did
how i hopelessly conned myself into believing that there was still chance.
how i lied about liking a tennis girl from tpjc
how i said to myself, 100th day, on the 100th day i'll study
how i eventually did, and stopped on the 101st
how my life became incredibly screwed up
how i let erin down
how i wished i could say something, just to get my tongue caught because my credibility's gone.
how i wish this and wished that

how i stare blank-eyed at the complete miss of all my targets.

and i wonder to myself.. dear Lord, why did you salvage my academics.
why have you sent me on journeys to the airport?
why is this mind still preservered and not worm eaten together with everything else?

and i cannot help but say
Glory to the Lord, always.
His ways are higher than mine, and through the mess His plan unwinds.
oh if i had more faith, if only i listened..

interesting.
the new channel 8 show.
This girl was getting spooked out by what some guy was saying about ghosts.
She was in a rubbish refuse centre when she got really afraid.
She cried for buddha, goddess of mercy..

and finally.
she even cried for Jesus.

Wow, im.. what's this singapore? your idea of religious harmony?

at the face of a photo of happy memories.
to the people who're still living in the carefree period even i enjoyed
Those secondary school days..

Treasure those days.
Someday in the future life becomes something else.
In the thick of it all, you'll forget how it felt like.
Forget why you smiled and lost your mind.

anti-study, the force of evil

anti-study, the force of evil

i was too naive to think that isolating myself from the singaporean world at our beloved airport was the solution studying.
Oh how i missed the point and how foolish i were.

When its 11 and the sun comes out to shine, you sip your burger king hot tea and study, so confidently that you were breezing through the 2007 A level paper like it was a joke.

and then, the infinitely long hands of distraction came, in a form whereby you are blinded by a sense of duty, and productivity when you entertain tourists for about 3 hours straight
then you look at your phone and remark to yourself, time really flies!
and you wonder what untold horrors are there about slacking, look even the airport cant save you, maybe you might consider taking a budget airline from budget terminal for the truly sweet escape