my head is up against the wall..
my eyes are welling up
the flush of ancient memories
milked and concocted my bitter cup.

This memories dear girl
are wounds from generations past.
Those hastily moved on
Wounds that never healed.

Against the cold hard wall
my head collapses onto its void.
The void of ideas of solutions of resolve
the desperation and hopelessness

Her silly conviction
and her questionable devotion.
I'm stuck between the questions i have
and answers i must find to save oneself.

I ask, why couldnt i give more?
I ask Him why good looks are bestowed on crooks.
They tell me:
Life's like this

i'll end this when im back.

test

oh God i know your eyes are on me..
and Lord your litmus test is upon me.
Indeed you want me to see for myself
My lawlessness and disabilities.

You knew you must send
Some guy strong and faithful
Whose steadiness she can depend
Whose walk, utterly blameless.

For that reason, you cannot choose me.

I know one day I'll pass your test
And that day I'll be granted to roam free.
Even though the test i pass,
I know,
She won't therefore be given to me.

Though I know if you will bestow her once again
I will recall the path walked through
and give Glory to your name.
A day like that will be so good
Will be unspeakably beautiful
But even if it never comes..

I will take heart and walk again