breeze.

well some do know this.
but it doesnt affect why i'd type these.

everytime i feel like drifting away and not caring.

the very same person comes to mind.

im sorry God it isn't you.

but i thank you for putting her in my life.

sometimes i ponder over the matter of physical attraction.

of how her chubby face would feel great to snuggle against

of how softly those pair of eyes blinked.

and i feel bad that suddenly i want to just hug something.

but then there are better looking girls around.

there are taller ones... there are prettier ones.

there are even girls with better attitudes.

but somehow im convinced..

she's the other part of me.

this is the part where everything drops./

hope, chance, success, spirit.

i know im not good enough. im a bum.

i cant control my mouth, i blurt and hurt her feelings

why am i being entangled? have i nothing better to say?

those soft.. slow, relaxed eyelids.
closing in together.

im stuck.. and i cant get out.

prelims.

well.
the main thing abt prelims is that...

no rather the main lesson was.
im capable of alot more.

well. the L1R5 ended up with 16.
ok la uh.. NOPE. NOT OK.

ok anyway. some highlights were erm..

top for core geography MCQ..
but never top for the whole thing! sighz.

ok erm.
top in class for physics? haha but with an A2?

i think thats all.
that's why its so no biggy right.
well.
i guess i'll be going somewhere like JJC.

hopefully i'll be able to get in.
i dont think i'll be going anywhere else.

at the end of the day....

erm. whatevers. i already started studying, for O's.

wont be around for a long time, so...
well eat dust blog. lol

prelims.

boooooo

the last thing i really remembered doing.
was running blindly into love.
hope it'll remain as that.
being the last thing.

its been a few days blog.
i can already sneeze the dust from a distance.

its a holiday today.
somehow, oddly it is.
i have to study and buy blindfolds.

why? why?
cauz prelims are screwed!
Oooh. thats why uh.
yeahla, thats why. so we need a blindfold to.
block out the colour red.
red'll be everywhere.
teacher's faces, exam papers, crying faces.
could be more. maybe blood?
ooooh *chilly*

what i know for sure is that.
if i dont start now.
the blood wont stop pouring after O's
where there'll be no second chance or that kinda shit.

logic works

well, its exams now, why dont i just press on and.
ignore?

today's pretty boring.
screwed chinese paper up, was dozing all over the place.
read lines, re-read.
awkward sentences.
grr.

ok anyway. chem was pretty easy, though the redox and
macromolecules kinda killed me
i think i lost at least 4 marks.
haha not that i'd usually care, its ok to type a little
and yet get to spite those triple science nerd holes.

what's shown and tv dramas never come true.
stop thinking that love will come easy moron.
cauz, easy come easy go, surely an easy go wont be great.
but well. things hard earned are just harder to lose.
it doesnt guarantee anything.
hardwork increases chance.
its ok, at least my religion's for real

substitution

damn, the virius is still here and my computer is dyin'!
its becoming REAL bad. mence you moron help me fix! hurry!.

the problem in life.
is that so many other people get dragged into an affair
because they take turns to get substitutes to get back on one another.
when a substitute doesnt work, they'd get another.
vicious? sure.

now now dont get hot on your toes, im not saying anyone or pointing any fingers.
uh uh.
just that.
well, after talking to certain somebody ( a mentor)
life's taken a new look.
it looks harder now, it looks so darn difficult.

scholarship: 3As, 1 h3. well done. how to get?
dont know.
lets start worrying about O's, tomrrow.
now... its time to sleep.

some kinda holiday last week was.
some kinda gay holiday...

she;

some things are just impossible to figure.
some circumstances go unimagined no matter how hard
you try to think about it
somethings haunt you and suck you into them, against your will

but then again.
the flipsides happened because we let them.

afterall, salvation is alot about clapping with God's hand.
not that God wasnt good enough, but that love is only true in freewill.
somethings made me sad, or rather allowed me to go sad.

mainly my computer, the beloved darling built by mence, is under seige by
viriuses.
even now the letters are slowly appearing, split seconds of lag after my fingers
depressed the keys on the.. um, keyboard?
well, i cant play my games, i cant erm, do things properly.
and even a 1gig ram is getting pwned by a mere virius scan, resulting in an
unbearable lag which occurs on all pentium 2 and below computers, i dare say.

well. anyway, if you thought you figured it all out.
she does not refer to the computer.
as you see, though im certainally weird, im nothing close to the perversions
of some mecha-phillea or whatnnot.
i obviously dont love computers nor desire any whatnots with them.

not like as if the 'she' in the title has anything got to do with intimacy or whatever.

she's just a stone i left unturned, because she told me to.
it remains as a mystery and i do wish that anyone who has a clear,
or thinks that they know who im talking about, shusssh!
i dont want 'she' to know that i want to know.
i mean, people who are unable to control their mouths are left on the shelf.
surely you dont want to face the abomination of life alone.

well ok, whats so puzzling is.
how everything ended in a snap.
*snap*, gone.
( im not emo, so shut up, just merely thinking)
how it felt like as if..
there was something else going on, some external factor whatnot.
we cant talk. i cant like her. there are like PIs all over the place.
where PI is not equivalent to vulgarity or what not.

ok. well.
it just feels so illegal.
it feels like as if i trampled on justice and thus
i needed to stop before i died.

ok maybe i feel that all this is unjust, coming from my ego or what not.
but i just wished.
one fine day i got a chance to talk all about it.
even though i would merely confirm my suspicion that you'd refuse to listen.
i dont even want anything, i just wanted to know, badly.
i've got to end some 1.5 years of torment somehow.
even if i end up not doing any good from it.
at least i could say i tried.

ah

its the same.
its waiting for the sun to rise and set.
its seeing you through your online.
and seeing you till you're offline.

i cant believe im already singing a song
a song with the same lyrics.
but a song to a different soul.
not a different taste, not a different way.
just a new song, for new audience.

its queer so stop.
dont let the pictures fuel your thoughts.
dont let your thoughts become your dreams.
and dont let your dreams take control.

it doesnt matter she's just a passing by.
in a few days, no weeks time, she'll be gone.
and thrown behind.
why care so much why say 'she's the one!'
only to forget the importance, some later time?

if future is so loose, why be so serious about it?
it its gonna be unpredictable, why hold those dices in grip?
drop them roll them, just keep rolling
do away the thinking.
no need for caution, no need for decisions.
a twist to the left gives you anything a twist either offers

it dont matter it dont matter at all.
it dont. dont.
KjdaghkjEhgdagadgLLy
if it was really possible.
tell me already.

maybe

im weird,
im sick of being weird but i guess i'll remain weird.
it should pay to be kind, but somehow...
the paycheck's taking its time.
this is so entangling, this is so deep.
its drowning you over, so be careful.
open your eyes big, dont retardate.

time's not slowing down.
so we've got to hurry up.
we've got to move alot more than we used to.
its time we really talk & walk.
its time we stopped thinking for others.
its time they thought for themselves.

stop breathe.
take a stroll, dont stop dont rest
dont fold your arms or
succumb to those heavy lids.
time isnt slowing down.
again catching up has to be done.

tick tick.
but im tired now and im unreasonable.
to sleep i must.
so screw-off, real fast