dream

and it just came like a nightware.
dissolved like a dream
why not resolve instead?
'
'
its like how i still dont understand why
we managed to win the captains ball tournament.
why us? As in we had really big, tall players etc.
but i was proud, i believe some of us were.
we even saw poor leads as an insult so...
and somethings that just happened.
God i dont know why you let it happen.
hurting, tempting, scheming, acting, lying.

but maybe today i know.
the victory was a humble pie.
to remind us, hey team QC, there was this proud jerkhole in your team
but yeah, he really wanted to win so maybe
i'd just let you all win so that maybe he can see how
its not his effort, but all the pleasure's mine.
i had so many of my churches with me, i could bless anyone with victory.
whether they trained or whether the slacked,
though only those trained gives glory to me.
yeah, in their victory because they worked for it
they thirsted for the win, and they did the stuff.

ok yeah, QC maybe we did our stuff.
lets not try to bag another victory by having a nasty attitude like i had.
and try to work reverse psychology on God.
lol.

existence

hardly anyone enjoys questioning their existence to this extent.
but well.
i dont enjoy it but i sure am immersed in it.
its a good thing. and definitely a bad thing.
so.
what thing?
aww. this isnt the time to crap around and feel bad.
besides.
it wasnt really your fault was it?
eh.

whatever.

emo? nahh

mixed-up, weird, odd, unhappy, frowning
troubled, guilty, restless, awake.
dazed, confused, misled and away.

come'on life already needs none of them.
its 3 weeks to prelims, oops no its 2 weeks after this week
and things have to happen.
i dont know, maybe its to remind me about how to hold my tongue
or maybe how not to live even a single part of my life unconscious.
its scary, its a nothing, its a scare.
its gotten here and aint going anywhere.

lets put it this way.
this is trash.

one liners?
i am trash.

finished?
what a damn who gives a care.

im at home.

im at home and doing nothing much.
why? because prelims are here
and you're doomed to have to life you dumb ass who didnt pay attention.
ok erm. enough of the self- verbal mutilate.
i just revamped the darned kanchanaburi video
and Julia better be happy or my itchy hands might fly all over her face.
ok nah im sorry, i didnt exactly mean that.
its just that.
alot of things have just popped up to happen.
and im feeling like a gay ass loser fag now.
zzz. whats with all that crap that happened today man!
what was all the fun yesterday and you just gotta go be happy
and be foot/tongue loose and spoil it all.
well, at least your hardwork died in your hands.
so much for dying without regrets uh?

DARN.

how to build each other up.
without saying all that hurtful crap.
surely language isn't that limited? comeon'...
shit....

the sluts and i

damn, why am i always getting involved with people
my friends'd refer as to bitches?
ugh. so much for being a mafia/gangster/ whatever.
ok lol

geography, in jazz.

did you know that the quality of life and standard of living.
are actually 2 different things?
well, standard of living(SOL DAMNIT) is an indicator for the quality of life.
but its isnt a good indicator, since when people are getting wealthy,
they always demand a higher standard of living. or rather, material comfort.
so therefore, since people keep getting unhappy about their SOL, we can sort
of say that the SOL is lower than expected/demanded.
THUS, sol, being so easily variable, cannot be used to indicate quality of life.
and quality of life being something so emotional.
can not be measured, its intangible. fools.
hah.

lol what was the last line for?
goodness. hurry start studying for prelims!! quick!

lets go

ok. lets go. as in.
seriously. NOW

folly

those who chase fantasies are fools
but the diligent reaps his harvest.
2 not too familiar stuff from proverbs.
yes, clap your hands for the QT which didnt stop for almost a week
and still counting, ofcourse.

well, people are worrying their butts off about the results.
now now tuck yan.
you've got to worry more because you plan to stand up for
4 book prizes
top 3 of school positions.

ok i hear many grumbles going on.
talk abt chasing fantasies right?
yeah, thats why instead of topping singapore, its just topping the school
another law applied was: ask for strength for the chosen task, not the task for the current strength.
so. yeah, guess i'll have to start working and then. of course start praying.

btw, if you wondered how the combustion of prayer and work leads to success, heres something:
ignition spark: work.
fuel: work, time
Rest of the jazz, cheese and greek: prayer.
actually, without prayer, your sparks and fuels will only end up killing you.
there'll be exhaustion, explosive temper, and finally break down.

now you know why engine parts are important?
ok, but please help yourself, by helping yourself to the petrol.
dont try praying without first doing your part.
HAH :p

btw, dont try reading this, emo idiots just love to type small small so that people get curious.
if you thought that maybe you'd find a cute girl's name here in this tiny nonsense, then you are
just a sick perverted loser who needs to get a life, i reckon you start trying to be a christian.
and stop wasting time decoding nonsensical "try to hide the words" but just making things darn obvious
kinda crappy typing like this.
just a reward for caring, and not busy bodies, thanks, but well. i wasnt emo, have a nice day!

gee

my tooth, or rather teeth are aching.
darn, hope its more of a brush teeth call rather than dengue.
ggrr.
ok im sorry for all the short shorts posts, but actually im not sorry either
but you get the idea. hah.
bye!

grey?

im sorry God.
i really know why it sucks to be
some morally grey dude.
help me get my facts right.
no more foolin' around next time.

back to the word, back to the word.

random thought

sometimes i feel at ease
when the "outcasts" actually have a place.
have a group where they can really smile.
have people who tease them in a sensitive manner.
its crazy
its heartwarming.
its providence - from God.

CAC captains ball

erm lets see.
we won. haha yes, the climax, and anti climax.
wow.
im sorry if this sounds so plain.
and im sorry if this insults the teams we won.
BUT.
i just dont feel the.
woah woah kick ass you know.. you know.. kinda feeling.
maybe its because i fully comprehend the meaning behind such a gathering.
pictures some other time.
ok anything else, no more.
so now lets just let me kiss myself goodnight. (damn told ya i need a girlfriend)
and well. yeah watever.
it was fun, it was!

somehow i could see things before they happened.
just unable to do anything about them.

video and stuff

hm.. nothing much, introduction of kanchanaburi video. lol

so many things are happening recently.
lets flip through the bible just to remember that God has already promised us peace
why act so tough to bash it into turbulence?

hello runner

hello runner.
eh sounds familiar, yeah, its because the title was hello runner
OK ANYWAY.
because i cant take my pictures because i lost my camera (boohoo)
and my phone was gay enough to not allow me to take clear ones, im hear to write a thousand word essay so that it'll paint a picture.
a picture paints a thousand words= a thousand words paint a picture.
haha so here goes the vivid description of how to get to my house.
from the bus stop, which is located near a church called stjohn stmargret.
ok that isnt the main point, when the 74 turns under the MRT track, you'll see this really cool orange buildings. thats where i stay, so just quickly jab the bell and get your arse off the bus.
ok now, you're at the bus stop, turn left, yes left you smart alek, or alice since you're a girl.
walk down and when you can finally turn right, do so.
the turn right will lead you down this gentle downslope. get walkin' into the estate already.
the estate compromises of different buildings. some are horizontal, others are vertical. the horizontal ones are like. the one i stay in, they're short, but are fatter, yes, they are fat and so are you so that's why we'll be running.
ok, block 23, which is where me, your eye candy lives.
eh.. its sandwiched between block 17 and block 22, and its the shortest block
reaching only the height of 12 levels whereas block 22 is 15levels
and BLOCK 17 is a freaking 30levels.
ok so now, when you enter block 23, the first lift is THE lift.
i live on the tenth floor, yes a really sexy number inside out...
i live at door -380. my foor number is #10-380.
when you finally get your hands on the door, knock because the bell is screwed. :D
haha then come in and lets have some FUN!
woah woah suggestive, nah.
ok once again im sorry for not having the pictures
to make things simpler, you can just call me up when you're at the busstop, or
you can try to D.I.Y if you want the childish thrill of a atrouciously easy treasure hunt.
im waiting.. ok eew sick just get your arse here, QUICK!

happiness

"cauz you see, happiness isn't about cracking a few jokes and laughing your ass off"
"Ooooooooooo"

goodness. how long has it been since you told the whole upper secondary abt the word ass?
haha am i glad the teachers weren't around when i was sharing my happy theory about happyness. haha

"not materialistic comfort, not about having a girlfriend, not abt topping the level in O's"
"its a state of mind, the attitude of gratefulness"
"its not like a cup of water, below half is unhappy, above half is happy, full means very happy."
"look, who has a bigger smile? its me, but does it mean that i'm happier?"
no damn it, it means i have a bigger smile.
happiness cant be measured.
theres only the difference between having fun, satisfication, and happiness, dont forget.

hah.
runner, wait for awhile, i forgot to take pictures.... uggh

hmph..

well, its kinda crazy since im still kinda sick. ugh.
saturday captains ball how?
man. its been gay la seriously.
sorry blog, havent been posting something nice or whatnot
aiya what to do?
its prelims soon
theres this video to do and stuff. man...
ok enough ranting. time to bathe

NOW?

nande?

what? that's it?
that funny funny weird ( maybe worse than me) person is you?
goodness but you know how elegant you look in your dresses?
but you know what?
haha it really doesn't matter =)

im actually feeling happy, i haven't laughed so childishly for so long.
im just glad that whatever is happening now is happening
whatever didnt seem so beautiful
is just all coming together.

but you can't feel it
and for that
i feel safe, at ease.


ok emo crap, without being sad.
yet still no one can tell!

handsome.

no im not gay.
lol cauz' handsome is me.

BLEAAGH!

ok lets just put it this way. today was weird.
its been well. im just sorry i let you walk away.
im sorry for the cold answers i kept throwing you.
drop the subject drop the subject....
its been all too weird.

everyday's a swirling cauldron of thoughts.
of anything but just. a strain of thoughts.
i caught the essence of the math lesson but.
in my mind just rang these 2 persons.

i would start asking funny questions.
i would start questioning life after the O's
it could be left, right, or as it is already.
or maybe there is even this turn backwards.
i kept dreaming and i cannot stop.

because i cant stop thinking im worth it.
maybe its because i took advantage of your kindness.
maybe there is no reciprocation.
maybe im deluded
lets spill this all someday.

the most cruel method could be lovely.
all our blood spilled to numbness.
lets not get too professional with something
THIS PERSONAL.

she

when she says something or does an action.
it feels like she's planned all her life for it.
yeah, it hits the nail on my head.
i keep wondering why im not dead, yet.

nothing!

its been one word, tiring.
just kinda finished the youthweek video thingy.
then i figured out i got sharing to do on saturday.
man. homework.
man. long uploading time, long converting, long zipping whatever.
the com is just taking its time despite my unspoken complains.
well. ok. im just glad that the video and song
always somewhat synchronises.
its weird, but man, its true.!
youtube, you better learn how to upload faster.
uggh. ok with all tides turned. its almost time to sleep.
but i cant, because i was lazy and i slept in the afternoon.
aiya.
jiapalang la. lol

what if..
im rotting instead of regenerating?

270, still counting.

dear lord, let me thank you today.
for not sentencing me to death
despite the countless murders i attempted
whilst wishing people were gone.
and i thank you for removing my debts
of money taken without permission.
i thank you finally, for purging my sins.
i thank you for not taking into account my countless adulteries
that i commited while looking with lust.

and finally i thank you for giving me jesus
my saviour, lord and friend.
he came down and took all my blames.
for me, away.

yours, forever
servant-in-debt
tuck yan

genius

to be genius, you can either be
manufactured. you mug you study. you've got no backside because you studied
and worked your ass off. hahaha yes im pissed with manufactured geniuses.

born
these are what we call the "real" genius. people with the likes of.. hm.. i wanted to say
my name but i thougt that'd be weird since it falls into the last category.
these people are just really great intelligent, capable assholes who were born
like that, kinda unfair, but someone's gotto be a genius, so why not them?

faked
fake genius? hahaha why why, why doesnt it sound unfamiliar? these toots are well
people who are dying! to be genius but couldnt either make themselves one because
they are unwilling to work/study hard enough. (my hypothesis) im sorry if you are one
of them, but actually im not sorry, since fake geniuses are just smart aleks
and they deserve to die, ok, actually life and death is given by God, so here's
the last category coming up.

and finally, wasted.
geniuses are indeed sometimes wasted. they still remain very intelligent and capable
but Who knows how good they actually were? right now studies are done to investigate
the possibility of a genius revival, dont worry, they're just wasted, still can respawn. haha

its simple

just pray.
so easy, so simple, too straightforward.
have you already forgotten or overlooked?

well i did, i dare say many do too.

optimism or hero's act.

hey, whatever!
who cares if its optimism or a hero's act.
as in really ACT, acting, faking. scheming and this gets more horrible.
ok so lets seee. to sum me up, im whatever i think i am.
so, to further complicate that, im a thinker.
who thinks in horribly broken english but well,
doesnt become a broken english because its impossible even if i think so.

and if no one got that, dont start getting excited, literature is your own interpretation.
so therefore, while i dissect my nonsense and draw its meaning, or meanings?
if you think the trash talk makes me trash. ermm..
what can i say? but maybe because you are trash and had trashy interpretations!.

ok before i.. insult my readers and drive them away...
okwait later. im on msn and its gonna get tough to double task

combination

since one day we'll be using the same combo.
the mirror imaging. i'll do what you'd be doing.
and we all know how that'll be bloody..
so i've thought of this marvellous plan.
to ask my dream girl for her hand.

if all goes well i'll be a happier,
much happier man.
and then we'll see if all this is God's plan.
'
just stay there, beside me, in the same
odd
combination.

random crap

i dont post photos on my blog, weird...
maybe its gotta do with self-esteem.
damn, i need a really great photo.
ok, make it photos.

what i just want.

flipping through blogs...
yeah, the internet is a book..

well guess what i saw. yeah, girls camwhoring, guys always acting like asif we're high above such "childishness" which is actually the unfathomable skill with the camera which seems to be a really sexist trait, which chooses only girls as hosts.
unfair. now what would a professional photographer do, when those unprofessional
pros are all pwning your butt, taking quick shots anywhere and how.

ok wait can i just make my point?
the point is that its so nice to type on this keyboard which is squished up in the final
available space after a laptop's been shrunk for class, which is kinda weird.
and thats still not the point.
ok darn, i'll make my point now.

its just the OH! im gonna be a hero.
make the world a pEEERFECT place to live.
look at couples cuddle each other
look at friends prancing around everywhere.
see all that smile lit faces.
and i'll just act cool and smile.
and say to myself
"this is just great"

ok but screw i aint that noble.
i need a girlfriend, i need my friends.
i dont need a bestfriend though, and most of my neighbours aren't my neighbours.

to think i always smile to myself when i see people having fun together.
arrgh stop acting hero you diot'
if you dont quickly grab some cutie.... im afraid you'll end up being gay.
uggh are guys supposed to blog about this kinda stuff?
i dont care, if being honest secures my future with a really
hot, caring, cute, pretty, God-loving, TUCK YAN LOVING, exciting, sporty
fit, can play frisbee, can cook, loves geography kinda wife...
i'll lie to be honest. eh whatever.
anyone who doesnt fullfill anything else besides the GOD AND TUCK YAN parts will do actually.
though...

who doesnt want a physically attractive wife?
physical attributes are a bonus, but hey
we do love those pay bonuses right?

well well well!

ok, that idiot naruto hasn't acted for his newest episode.
so i guess, wth, its almost time for a new one already, the producer is really gay.

well, i'lll just blog about someone, and after that i still got something to emo.
lets get on with this.
ok today i got to know joash alot better, before anyone screams GAY!!
i'll just tell you that i love girls to bits and i'll forever remain a guy because
i think i already found the missing puzzle piece. And girls are just great.
so i'll never be a gay and get back pains, broken wrists and butt pain ( ok this is sick)
im sorry for all of the above, i just read a book on gays and apparently
the writer's in my league, or im in his, it doesnt matter.

ok so now we talked abt church stuff and such.
and about how maybe people aren't as pleasant that they seem after we know them better.
and well, it was just a wonderful talking session, mainly because i got the chance to admit our worries about how we were living our lives as christians. could a person tell that we were one?
what kinda testimony are we living in school? are we letting the lost ones continue their journey to hell?

or maybe we were lost, gloating at how marvellously blessed either of us were, born into a christian family. maybe we are blessed with such a great capacity. but what are we doing with it?
on judgement day, are we going to tell God that. HEY! im blessed with such a huge sum of blessings from you, so i was sure i was coming here (heaven) one day!
OH! whereas to those people who were walking to hell, dont worry, we gave them our blesssings.... (liar.. its more like a curse)

ok anyway, that was a few things we touched on, while you were free enough to read this, why not just spend sometime and talk to someone about this as well??

well well well!

260. so hard for a title.

well, after a really really long while, im finally reaching a solid number which is a multiple of many numbers which doesnt matter since the blog's just the blogger and the posts.
if you got what i tried not to, and to confuse.

ok anyway.
today's about confession.
God don't put her so near.
its the tingling sizzling sensation.
which makes me want to turn around
and tell her i like her.

its that innocent laughter which first caught my eyes
or ears.
that funny smile and the way she could call out my name.
aren't these reasons so unfamiliar?
they are void of logic, a 5 year old's musings.

but just look. argh this is tearing me apart.
what am i supposed to have
with some one i lost touch.
its been 5 years, since word war.
stop looking at me and make me think i'll ever stand a chance.

want to hear, and not.

this is just plain emo, no one will ever guess what im trying to say.

lets hope its right

its true it reminds me.
i love going to the church.
no you perverted brains.
its neither hot girls or luxurious conditions.
its not just about the chit chat
and random pointless conversations.

i just hope its genuine, my reason.
be genuine, Its your shelter but not you counter-reality.
church is never an excuse to run from homework
not the numbness which "sets you free"
its all about God and the lovely people.
its alot about the smiles and faces of glee.
its not just about you and me.
its alot more about God's big family.

till i have my pure reason, God please.
help me.
with all due sincerity and negative sarcasm
yours.
sincerely for eternity.

after so long.

oooh ok its been so long since i last blogged, my tag on gina's blog really made me a hypocrite then..

well but since im such a good boy today, studying my history text book.
guess it wont hurt to blog and be proud of it now, and die later.
eh nonsense.

ok well, life lacked the spices recently.
talk about having an indian wife.

uggh ok.
lets just go sentosa some day
and kiss the sun a little.
time sacrificed now will be paid back by the double
when the dreadful O's are finally over.