stop stealing my words man!

well, i cant put the right words to describe myself, but clemence sure could deal with MY problem.
yes.
thats ziizaagly why i felt
its always do this for that person. do this for that, and that.
now that i think of it. No one does anything for me.
at least not at a noticeable frequency.
everyone is just. well thanks for the help but HAHAA GOT YA
FAG. YOUR GONNA DIE FOR HELPING WITHOUT ANY RECIPROCAL. MUAHAHAHA.
wth?
say some touching words, breathe a smile at me.
and watch me.. die? what in the world is that for!
Im someone who is tired of being fooled. Because i fool myself 24/7.
im tired of living in this set-up. i would love it if i was out.
out of this stage and into the real.

i haven't been "emo-ing" for ages. and i feel like im a disposable friend.
i feel like there are so many me/s and each time the me is used to its maximum, its discarded and thrown into the bin.
well done.

silence does reveal where we are. even the semi silence in that lonely playground downstairs was so shocking. what i saw was, i gave up so much in my life, for nonsense that i didnt get, or could do without.
and now my condition's so freaking screwed, im not getting anywhere, im pissing people off, im making myself upset, i've sunk so deep into nonsense and self pity i aint going nowhere, maybe even if i was offered 1million dollars just to smile for the rest of my life.
and yes, this is exactly how gay russia is, deteriorating at an incredibly hearty rate, with corruption and inefficiency rooted deep in every peasant's head.
those who try to reform that land, end up getting screwed, exactly.