Paralyzed by thoughts

有许多未来的事情，我现在不能视透
但我知谁掌管明天，我也知谁牵我手。

I hate these days when I find myself assaulted by relentless thoughts, early in the still, uneventufl morning. Thoughts of doubt, of guilt, even undefined ones which are more like pangs of emotions.

I sit at my desk, fruitlessly looking at the computer screen. I try to work but find myself seeking relief from mindless youtube videos. I try to distract myself with them, to sate my restless mind. My mind wanders violently from want to want, I sit paralyzed.

I close my eyes to pray but I don't know how to begin. In the torrent of wants... I find myself also wanting nothing.

However, I do perceive the root of the issue. The thoughts derive from my frustration, from my helplessness to secure for myself the things I want. I search for answers, for solutions, for sure-fire plans in my mind. I search in vain, in desperation.

Then I wonder if I trust God. If I trust him to provide the best for me.
Trust, trust is my ticket to get out.

Oh God teach me to live each day faithfully. Let me not waste them worrying for another.
God give me some godly short-sightedness. Help me to trust in your providence.

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Philippians 4
⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. ⁵ Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; ⁶ do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

My anxiousness is making me lose my mind and heart but I shall cling to your promise. I will spend time talking to You, I will let me worries be known to You. I will strive to rejoice always so please guard my heart and mind in Your precious Son Jesus Christ.

I will trust in You.
Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.