Love to an Introvert

I'm not writing on behalf of all introverts, just one particular one who happens to be me.

I was spending a little time thinking about relationships this afternoon. I was thinking about how I'm the sort of person who zones out occasionally when around people. I'm the sort who enjoys a bit of loneliness by the beach or in my room. Who feels that tinge of longing and sadness watching the sunset, but would give anything to watch it.

Then I think I admire girls who do the same. There's this sophistication about them and of course the acceptance and understanding since they do the same thing as I do. Then I thought a little further.

I realized that as much as I admire that, I often feel enticed to barge into their time of solitude, as though I think it to be incredibly intimate if somehow I can share their moments of solitude with them.
And then I wonder if that means I'm not really an introvert after all, if I'm really just putting up a show. If I were an extrovert deep beneath since my inclination to barge in seems to betray that I don't respect their moments of solitude enough.
No, I think I need to specify. I guess sharing the moment of solitude is introverted in nature if I just sat there and said nothing. If it were a presence which does not intrude.

Funny thing is, that seems to be the case during my moments of solitude. In these moments God is that presence. It's that feeling when I look to the sunsets. The smile on my face is there to tell Him that I find it beautiful. I know He is watching me from the side, intensely, but it doesn't bother me. I enjoy being watched by God. Occasionally I ask him questions. He does not speak, the look on His face (not that I do see anything at all, but rather just a sense) stirs up the knowledge of Him within me and the answers find their way into my mind.

And so isn't the similarity dangerous? I can picture how I can possibly substitute one for another. I can imagine how easily a relationship can become a sort of idolatry. Oh God you know how quickly I set girls up as idols in my life and it all begins with a simple choice. It starts when I choose to pick up my phone as I sit on my bed during my free time. It works even when they don't reply, it works because my mood is ruined and I feel that all is lost... when in fact all is lost! I lose You.

God I long for the secure joy that is in you. That permanent, robust, consistent joy. The joy which makes a man out of me, the joy that makes me steady. The joy that sets me free.