The thing about likes on facebook is that they can be so ambiguous in meaning. One day ago I mused on facebook that valentine's day is a good day to consider the reasons for why I am single.
There were a few likes. Without being a genius I can tell that these likes can be categorized as such
1. It is funny, perhaps cruelly so.
2. Approval of the decision to spend the day thinking
3. Insinuation that there are "good" reasons why I am single.
3 is a real eyesore. To think that people will jump on an innocent status update like that and steal a low-blow... but what the heck, they may just be right.
On a nearly completely side-note, I thank God for the unlikely advice from Joel on Thursday night. He was sharing with me his reflections on the sort of person he used to be, curt, self assured and always right. He said that over time he realized the dangers of being such a man, that when trained into habit, such attitude often blindsides us. He went further to talk about his remorse when people could not take him seriously when he tried to be compassionate and kind.
As he was speaking, I was shuddering. First because I realized that I was fine talking to him but not entirely cool with being lectured.
But also because of the accuracy with which he painted the problems. It's not like he uncovered anything new but, for someone to actually articulate it, it made the problem seem so much more real.
And then I think also about denise who is excellent in nearly everything she does. She's a respected senior in Dance Blast and that's largely due to her calm demeanour, strange humility and her constant involvement in mediating conflicts.
Is that not the sort of person I want to be? Actually yes! But strangely, I feel no place for that desire in the recent months.
The comments suggesting that my ego was getting in the way just resonated with the realization that I seem to have dropped the desire to be an advocate of peace.
You know, maybe I just like to be that spiky, curt, dangerous angry person.
Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called the sons of God.
Whoever loves has been born of God and knows God
I'm missing out on a lot.
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