mid-term lamentation

As I flipped the question over, a chill ran down the back of my head. My eyes tightened and my chest collapsed.
I laughed to shake it all off, and a smile curled up in disbelief.

The feeling was so foreign, because.
For the first time in my life, I saw a question I had no answer to.

It's just 10%, is what some would say. Or chill and fight another day.
But it's not about the 10% that worries me.

I've permitted it to happen dear Lord. I've permitted myself to gloss over my work,
to be okay with passing over terms I did not comprehend, to have left them unvisited.

I need not wonder what you see
When you turn your gaze on me
Iniquity

At a loss to defend myself:
for even my soul cries out
"guilty!"

May I never find rest and peace
until my eyes trace back...
to thee.

Make this true O Lord, make this true.