The things I say carelessly are coming back to me. Most of all, the things I said about having free time and capacity to take on more responsibilities and to do more things.
I still refuse to back down. I am still of the opinion that I do waste some time away. I'm not fully saturated, but maybe it's time to admit that...
that my puny mind cannot fully contain the things I have to do.
I think about how I comfort myself with completing my readings, while my classmates raid the discussion forums over and over. While lots of voluntary exploration transpires in theirs, I'm kept to the pitiful bare minimum.
I think of how the fleeting ideas of how to improve the manpower administration visits my mind. But I had no time to sit and think them through.
Sometimes I'm just fed up, mental bloating. My mind refuses to move because it is so occupied. I'm no longer as focused as I used to be... and those new strands of white hair are telling.
What shall I do dear Lord? What is your will in this?
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