flashback

Noticed how many youtube links for Ah boys to men appeared on facebook the past week?

I had the fortune for some time to click on one 2 days ago. I was hit by a wave of nostalgia. It's odd, I don't remember army being so cheery, yet I can't seem to find the depiction inaccurate either.

But most of all, the scene where they took their oaths hit me the hardest. It renewed the emotions I had when I was standing there myself.

I remember how NS took me by surprise. My brother had been in it for nearly 1 year by the time it was my turn to enlist. Still, I was unprepared. A levels concluded not long ago, after which I went Cambodia for a mission trip (such an eyeopener, it left me dazed and confused). When I was back and the usual Christmas cum year end madness blew by, I found myself already at the doorsteps of enlistment.

Soon I was on the ferry, in a familiar seat I sought out, similar to the one I took when I sent my brother in, the next moment my parents were directed away from me, following which I surrendered my IC. We sat facing the parade square, a group of us all wildly clueless about what we were about to embark on. I sifted through the package they gave us... still, I did not know what I was about to get into.

It wasn't until we sat in the auditorium that reality kicked in. I read, was taught and wrote about how important it is to defend our country. I once wept over the suffering the nation endured under the Japanese occupation. I once felt angry at the betrayal of the British... but then it felt different. For the first time I understood it, for the first time I in my life, I was tangibly called to live a life greater than myself.
I was called to lay it down for the country.

And I despised myself. I despised how selfishly I had lived. I despised how myopic, how fearful, how trivial I lived in JC. I was sad to find that I was not ready, I had psyched myself for the hardship in army but missed the point in entirety.

And as I shouted the vow at the top of my lungs, I prayed that I may live by those words. I prayed that I'll be the man my country needs me to be. I pray that God will watch over every moment, that as I witness the viciousness with which one needs to fight, my heart may remain tender yet...

I stopped the video and closed the tab. I stared into the ceiling, breathing heavily,  I thanked God for NS. I don't know if it is indeed integral for transition into adulthood... I mean scores of soldiers graduate as juvenile as ever while some entered already mature...

But for me it was a wonderful thing.