withering.

I was in church, looking at past photographs.
my heart aches, from the pictures i know the unphotogenic me has now become more unphotogenic.
I feel a deep pain of loss.

how can a flower wither before it has blossomed?
How can a man falter before he is old?

Isit because its no longer reflecting the radiance?
Isit the pimples?
Isit the diminished inner beauty?
Isit the expanding cheeks?
between the lines, miss the point.

maybe its because im still rotting inside.
or maybe its because im already tired from acting.
acting like a saint, acting mature, acting generous, acting free, acting smart.
act, act, act. etc.
its evident then, now as i am feeling powerless.
I seek to gain power, but i purposely search somewhere else.
I know where to get power.

i do, i do.

It wasnt a long time ago when i got powerful.
But whenever i used it for personal gains, i feel the power drained away.
There used to be a smile that was true.
Till i said it isnt, it isnt, and it went away.

why do people only treasure things when they're gone?
Indeed then, rising to the occasion isn't always a good thing, after it, you fall back anyway.
Its sad how adaptability becomes a liability.
Its weird how lying low may make you oblivious and ungrateful.
And ungratefulness, remains the poison it is.

withers the flowers prematurely.

sad right?