broken in many places

I just came back from a merry party.
But i'm not in a hurry to post the photos.
Why? Because i'm not merry.

Just imagine. Being sick, having a hefty weightload tomorrow.
Everything is definitely wrong here.
Who am i kidding? How long do i plan to look without a returning gaze?
How long am i going to get wrong signals, get wrong ideas?
When will i stop hoping in the impossible?

Getting up from the cozy bed. Every morning you want to see that face.
Every morning you do.
And you wonder why God allows attraction to occur between jigsaw puzzles that dont fit.
Why have i so little control over my own life?
There's work, there's humiliation, there's guilt, there's slavery, there's her.
And ouch, why.
Why is love so forbidden?
And why why isit so impossible?

I dont think of why God allows illness and death.
Sometimes i wonder why i'm so natural.
How isit fair that i should be natural? How isit fair that i should be led by my nose?
Every night when i walk down a particular flight of stairs, my breath becomes heavy.
I've lost much, and i have gained little.
I've so much to say, so much to confess, but why am i left with no one but God?
I dont see the privileage! I dont feel the bliss!

I'm feeling devastated. It felt like another crippling blow.
Why things never turn out well, that i'll never know.
God if you could hear this prayer, if only you could.

Take this all away! TAKE IT ALL AWAY!
Why do i have to do this!

As i saw how he swept her away.
I felt the pain of my loss.
Why are the delightful things starting to be kept away?

Nothing has gone right for quite awhile.
Lord, where is the way out?