i was just thinking..
abt the two extremes i cannot stand.
1st- being successful by sheer hard work
2nd-being successful without doing anywork.

well i used to fall under the 2nd category, dug out my diary, P6 diary today.
there was this picture, its called the class monitor2003 picture.
i was there. yeah i was, innocently wearing that pair of plastic rimmed spectacles.
reflecting closely, i realised that i dont even wear my spectacles nowadays.
and i was looking at my beginning of the year for P6 goals. it was to get A for english A for chinese A for math and A*for science... well wadda ya know man, those were my exact grades in PSLE. i was like *gasp!* seriously utterly shocked.
speechless.
well, then i was thinking.. uh ok how did i do that?
i got my answer really soon.
i looked at the well deserved crests page.
first crest. given for successfully making a pin-hole camera.
i was like GASP AGAIN!
i made a pinhole camera when i was in p6? tell me to make one now, and i'll be clueless.
next, a crest given for extra researching whilst doing my assignment.
GASP AGAIN AGAIN! i was like... me?! doing extra research! kidding man!
really, i finally figured out why i scored without studying.
cauz, i was seriously studying everyday.
now wat happened to you, huh? tuck yan?
wat happenned?
you fool!


well i guess, its in me, God, pls help me resurface such an ability. I hav to revive this spirit.
i spent too much time thinking that life sucks
so much time, it became a reality.
Lets take my stitch on the forehead
as a mark of a new covenant.
i will do my work.
im sorry teachers, i'll start making you all proud of me.
i'll start toping the charts.
i'll be, me.
cauz im made to achieve it, not achieving it, spells useless.
thanks for allowing me to chance upon the diary.
uggh i've really been a jerk, really.
its time to change back, time to head back.
im really sorry, for being a fool like that

someday you might return to me.
but that day, i guess you wont find me.
im sorry, but this feeling tells me
that you were but, toying with me
i wont be his darned substitute.
i'll be me. and there's probably
a better fitting puzzle.
maybe we just werent meant to be
dont ask me if im ok
im not, but soon i will be