drugged

from when if first started, till it finally ends
many encounters, count those three
from pool, to another.
from those pools the the playground.
i had lived through them unbelievingly
but im sure i dont know my destiny.
reality has passed and im done.

those eyes in that cozy place
i knew that for that moment
in your heart i had a space
i wanted to reach out
and show you the same
but alas, fate is to be blamed.


those times of estasy.
been talking for many more doses
i cant live life not being numb
i cant do without that dose of imbalance
i cant see lights that dont dazzle

but you can. Run away my estasy
when you cant be a part of me, run away.
run so far, i cant feel you.
run so far, i'll take this alone suffer alone
through that cold turkey, through the humiliation
through reality, through life

if only if i was better, if only i was worth it
im not, i lack materialistically
neither am i great spiritually
im retarded mentally
if only if i was worth something more

if only if im not some insolent loser
if only if i perservered
if only if i listenned
if only if i threw myself away.
if only i make ifs not ifs, NOW

but i cant, i cant do that while being sane
i cant knock my"self" out now that you're away
i cant do this alone, neither can i do this with you
im in a messy dilemma, im feeling crazy
why dont you tell me
if you loved me?

stop dont tell me
its always him
i never had it