highly controversial

This week I was sitting around with my friend before class and just talking about life...
and girls.

And she said something really controversial and stimulating because it was an honestly fresh perspective (be it that it is really fresh or I just have a pretty good talent at forgetting).

She said that from the way she sees it, I am actually someone who wants to remain single, who doesn't want to get into a relationship.
For her, that's the explanation for why I have a nearly fairy-tale like imagination and often appear to be waiting for the perfect girl.

She thinks that... I'm not actually after a perfect girl, but only a perfect girl would make me want to get into a relationship.

I felt shudders in my chest, as though, pangs of guilt.

I don't know how much my friend actually got right, but when I think about it myself, there's some truth to what she is saying.
At least, I can see that if it weren't because time clearly isn't on my side, I may not be desiring so desperately to be ready.

Now I think that... I just got to admit that I am not. And that... if it turns out that it becomes too late..

Please help me to trust You more. This is but another day in life whereas Your glory I will not give to another.