being important

Her teary eyes met mine.
a while ago i was on my phone, i was invited for AC choir audition.
On the other hand, she had received a call confirming her appeal rejection.

Just a minute ago, i was still believing that i may go to ACJC with this new friend of mine.
A minute later, i know myself that she wasn't just a friend.

She said,
"Would you stay even if your appeal made it?"
Her eyes started to swell, she turned her gaze upon the cold, hard concrete floor.

We were at the grandstand, it was full of people, but for that moment it really felt personal.
I was shocked. I didnt know why such a question came out of her mouth, but there was this smile hung across my heart.
I maintained a serious look.

"Honestly," i said, "i dont know."
Actually i knew, and then actually i was confused, for within a split second, my burning ambition extinguished and instantly i almost hoped my audition would fail me.

She got up to her feet.
Its weird, i remarked from retrospect. A few days ago, on the first day of orientation she didnt even meet my wave.
Now she's challenging me to lay aside my current greatest dream.
My heart was no longer mine.

The next few minutes was silence.
I watched her back, from it i found my sense of belonging.
Somehow she became my reason for staying in PJC.

Lately, my reason's starting to fade away.
I guess the real reason why i went back monday with a smile then.
I was dying to tell her that i'll be accompanying her in PJ, she wouldn't be alone.
She can finally be glad.

It must've been me and my imagination all along.

i guess i have a need to feel important to someone.
And now i already feel so, so unwanted.


take this with a pinch of salt, will ya?