I doubt it is a big surprise that every other peripheral conversation I had on the trip was centred around the topic of BGR.
It still haunts me after the trip and with every thought it cripples me. The thought of relinquishing the control and security in insisting my own way, the realization of the futility of such a mode of thinking (because after all there is no real control and security)...

Today is a free day, but a day I spent productively in the morning only to stare blankly into space in the afternoon. A day where the moments spent unwisely comes screaming back at me. The disappointment sedates me.

The phone which was more active a day ago... I rest it in peace. I let conversations die and they do.
But in my heart are incessant mutterings, a death by suffocation.

Help me to trust you dear Lord, if I trust You these things will be to me as nothing.
As nothing.

I must learn quickly.

It is in times like these that I realised that I too, have little knowledge of the bible, knowing and repeating it vainly,

Matthew 6:33
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added onto you.

I guess the misstep of the day is sitting around. Yes, God wants us to trust Him, but meanwhile, He really intends to have us put our hands to work and our minds to knowing Him. Move along tuckyan, move along.