Day1: Being in this unfamiliar setting is totally agonizing. This always happens. I get coupled into groups without friends and I cannot enjoy myself at all. Sure, OBS isn’t a holiday, but it cannot teach me anything as a torture chamber.
As I swallow and continue to work with people I literally despise, I feel as if I’m losing my humanity, as if there isn’t a reason to smile anymore. I see their selfish- self righteousness, I hear the tone of half-heartedness. I don’t know what to say to a group of people who won’t listen, I know I’ll be happier and will learn better if PJC did not abandon/condemn me into yet another “lousy group” situation.
I ain’t that capable, why test me like this?This has been regrets.
Day 3: This is finally what I call OBS. Kayaking took a huge toll on me. Severely sun burnt, got a suspicious bruise on my back, I am battered but well, still alive. There were moments of boredom, moments of anger and moments of adrenalin. Lost myself that night, got pretty vulgar and pissed off. Night time, there was another epic dissension. Again, I see how nasty people got, declaring openly who they did not want to partner.
I was sad, and yet I couldn’t talk to (name) who was in the other group. Reflecting from that, I realize the implications of not having the right reasons to attend OBS. Despite the fun and excitement during the deadly storms, I’m still down and out; I really don’t understand why I’d end up in a different group as them. I really wanted to be in her group.
That to me was all that matters. Everyday’s another thunderstorm, working with people who can actually lack self-respect.
Wearing a smile is starting to hurt.
Day 4: The tents
4th day started out pretty melodramatically. When we finally reached camp 1on the kayaks, I was overjoyed. Only... (Name) didn’t look that happy. She felt she did a bad job and was very apologetic.
When we reached camp2, my impression of my situation changed. Thank God for the setting up of tentage. It brought me closer to my group mates especially Elton and mark. I realized that unknowingly, I’ve grown to accept them and they’ve opened up to me. Setting up tents is no longer a chore but something we have come to enjoy.
Then this is where I feel myself drifting away from her. It feels terrible and I’m just impossibly jealous. But then again, this is her life, and learning to be independent from her is my true OBS challenge, and also the only lesson I’ll be taking away, hopefully.
Thus, this reflection is done in (colour) in remembrance of (name).
Looking back, OBS really took me out of my comfort zone.
Sometimes just reflecting on the agony of the first day freaks me out.
There's still a pain there somewhere.
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