A thought came to mind today:

What if... I'm radically self-centred? 

I might have bought the story of peoples' praises that I am indeed a self-sacrificing servant and forgot to examine if it were indeed true. 

The way I've been reacting to things or thinking about some things recently made me wonder... if I'm really in it for myself. 

Now it is not as though I blog to bash myself... and not as though I believe that if I were even the littlest bit self-centred then I am wholly self-centred. 

It's just... it's looking a lot more than I previously imagined. 

I really am the sort of... conceited, entitled person. 

Year after year, I moult and moult. Looking back it sometimes looks like I've successfully left my past behind... and then I see the moulting before the latest... and the one before it... and it seems to stretch infinitely towards the horizon of my beginning... 

Oh God, how does one become someone else? 

May we be permitted to be born again! 

And, indeed we are. 

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood,
From Thy riven side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure,
Save from wrath and make me pure.