Yes, so I actually read leadership books. I say this half ashamed, knowing how I've probably presented myself to be someone who is generally against self-help books, believing that if you just think enough, you'll be the one doing the writing and not the reading.
The defensive leader is one who attempts to set-up an invincible front stage when in reality he is full of unmet needs, insecurities etc. in his backstage. The undefended leader is the one who comes to terms with his short comings and is frank with his own needs.
(thought I bet you a leader still needs to aspire to strength and not be a needy bugger)
But I'm thinking of something else really. This undefended leader thing is quite an old game for me. My comm members know how useless I am. They know how hard I struggle to work. hahaha.
I'm thinking about general defensiveness, and perhaps, specifically an anxiety to show off for the fear that people don't see me for how awesome I really am.
Why do I want them to think that I am awesome? That's an important question really, because I've been thinking recently that maybe I'd rather be a simple person so everyone don't jump on me the moment they need someone to do something.
Is it because I lived much of my life in relative social isolation that I've come to think of relations and relations of admiration in the sense
"they can't possibly enjoy being around me if they don't think I'm any good"
"therefore if they can enjoy being around me if I can make them think that I'm good".
... oh wait. Choir. Let me continue this post later.
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