how things have changed

And everyone will tell me I made a foolish choice but I cannot care less.
God I want to care more about what you think... and it doesn't matter what I get in the end.

Sometimes you give me a good thing and you take it away. You show me undeniably how much more supremely good you are.
I can't see why I shall expect this to be an exception.

and as I move on I see that my heart needs to change. Shall I please you to get what I want? May that be far from me.

Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Oh that I will not seek your kingdom (which is great) for "these things" (which are not) and prove myself to be a false kingdom seeker. God I feel so helpless, will you help me please? These thoughts and inclinations are so quintessential me. How can I ever overcome them? It'll be the death of me. 

But the death of me is what You desire. In You, in my death, I will be perfected. 

John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

I choose to have life to the full. Will You incline my heart towards You? Will you align my fears according to the fear of You? 

But I know You will. I make my stand on Your faithfulness.