margaretna

Its amazing how i got your name spelled out right.
Hello margaretna, if you read today, you're a little early. This post is your birthday present.
I write this post because i've already deemed it impossible for anymore development of friendship or any kind of relationship with you. So i thought, maybe you should know...

I remember vividly how it felt like when we exchanged our first sentences.

"excuse me, how do you pronounce this?"
"mar-gar-ret-na"
"mar-ga-ret-na?"
"yeah"

from the first incident, i already felt obliged to take responsibility for you.

"weren't you guys told that you were supposed to report in school uniform?"
"err.. No?" Your confused appearance moved me to intercede for you.

As i looked at your chubby cheeks and perfect smile, your DEFINITELY undersized shirt and your maroon skirt, somehow i really wanted to know you more.
And there, i fought with reasons why the club needs you.

Some time later, it was the first club meeting. You couldn't make it, you had dance.
Somehow the margaretna then didnt look like the one during the interview. You must have grown over the short period of time.. you must have..
You looked great in your jazz pants (were they?), i wished i could walk you over to the arcadia, i really wished.
But somehow deep inside, i felt a surge of everything but pure rising within. I knew that
neutral intentions were being conquered with motives, and i couldn't bear to see you longer.

After dance remember how we met? You and qs, sipping away some drinks at the cafe..
Sitting over, then, as vice president, i was overjoyed to hear of the dance plight.
Almost confident i'd win you over to ambassadors, i began telling you, undaunted, reasons why
you should be in the club.
But it was a mistake, i was wrong. I got a shock I could not get over when i went home and saw your blog.
I was offering things you aren't really made for, and from then, i was almost certain
you wouldnt stay.

It took 1 more week to confirm my dismay. When you came and you told me how disappointed you were, i knew the disappointment would kill you someday.
I knew that someday you'll back out, and i'll never see you again.
Foolishly i hoped that some untold luck, would grace our paths and make them straight.
But no, they wouldn't and i knew for once, that our paths will never meet again.

I tried many ways to remain contact, but slowly my courage started to fade away.
I asked myself for compelling reasons, concrete ones that can convince myself why anything would work out, you were right, i think i fell for you.

Knowing that you were a christian didnt help ease the pain, from where i were standing i could see that our paths were straying further and further. And there was nothing i could do, and i had got no courage left to use.
Different people, bound for different paths, thats what we are.

Its sad isn't it, perhaps you won't feel it. But time i recall that enthusiastic smile across your face, I wince in pain of this searing loss.

Happy Birthday Margaretna,
O can you sympathise?