Psalms 34:8-10
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
 Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
 Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!
 The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing

Can I embrace this?

I've been thinking, for the past week ever since I sent the email. I waited for the reply which was promised to come, in vain, day after day. The craving daily endured, I couldn't set my mind on anything else aside from pondering and speculating about what it would be.

And how it went unrequited, day after day, leaving me dejected, unproductive.
How I went on to try to fill this gap with other things, finding myself more grief.

But I thank the Lord, because although I imagined that I sent the mail with pure intentions, I have come to pierce my own pretence and now I am face to face with my true intentions. I just... wanted a favourable reply, didn't I?
As I watched myself and how I had been behaving the past few days, I came to a sobering conclusion that I am not ready! It really does not matter that more than a year had passed.

But as I have instructed my heart during this time, shutting down every rogue thought I could lay my hands on, putting these hands closely together in prayer, asking God to remove in me any ungratefulness when ever I felt it arise, now I see even clearer, that I fear that those who fear in the Lord will have some lack.

Clear to me is that I have not tasted to see that the Lord is good.
There is a resolve needed to steel our hearts in faith until we see the goodness come, to oppose what we have, for too long, allowed ourselves to believe, is what we need to be happy.

More importantly, have I lived my life, the past few days, in a manner instructed by the fear of God?
I'm afraid not.

And so moving forward I just want to keep on check on this heart of mine.
Help me be completely convinced of your goodness. Let me not wander about as an orphan.