One big obstacle over. Halloween dinner. Phew.
My fractured mind finds a fleeting moment of rest and now I'm back tackling the proj work.
There is a naggy feeling at the back of my mind that I'm analysing deeper than expected of us. A thousand thoughts assault my mind as I look at the model report. How are some students so much more proficient than I am? Why, they write the report as though they have done linguistic analysis all their lives.
And I think, it's just 500 words, just a single construct to analyse. Why is this taking me more than an hour? But suddenly I realize that group proj begun a long time ago.. it has been a good 6-7 weeks of opportunity... opportunity which slipped right past my fingers.
And here I am at this hour, desperate. I look at the open document and in it, the unfinished work. Vexed I get off my chair and wander in aimless circles in my room. Thoughts assault my head again, I can barely distinguish them. It is a chaotic torrent of ideas... amidst them surely is one that can set me free.
Oh God can't you see that I take no pleasure in this analysis? But how can I do well, or invest my time wisely if I don't love it? Nevertheless, let me love you first, for without a love for you all competing loves will become idolatry. Help me love you dear Lord. Can't I see that You desire for me to analyse to Your glory? Help me! how shall your name be defamed because of my incompetency? Help me feel the weight of glory.
I'm begging you. I don't see how my aimless stress is superior to the burden of glory. Put on me the yoke that is right and I will work. I will take Your yoke upon myself.
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