photos

There is always a conflict within my mind when I look at photos. Photos reminded me of my past, and the nostalgic feeling is the cause of the conflict. I’m a very sentimental person, history has proven that many times already. Looking back at the past times always bring me much joy and gratitude. If those were good times, I thank God he gave me those times. If it was bad times, I give thanks to Him for leading me through them. Where is the conflict then? With each click on the camera, history is captured. Time moves on. This means that photos represent moments that we want to remember and can only be remembered because the moments can never be recreated or experienced again in the exact same conditions. This feeling of yearning creates some feeling of sadness which conflicts with the feeling of gladness. Another feeling I experience when looking at photos is guilt. Guilt which arises because we can see the situation much clearer now when we are out of the picture thus making us regret doing what we had done during that time. Guilt can also arise from comparison. Perhaps we are stuck in a stronghold now and as we look back at the days when we do not have these problems, we feel horrible. Or when we look at all our friends in the photos, and then we look at our own hypocritical smiling face and we feel that we have betrayed their trust. Sometimes the pain I get when I look at photos is so great that I stop looking at them and drown myself with other distractions. All that I have written so far are my thoughts and feelings. But this is what I know, we cannot correct our past, we cannot make sure that history does not repeat itself, we do not know about the future; however there is a truth that we must know and must remember, God has forgiven our sin, our past, present and future sin. We seem to be at the mercy of time however we do know of a God who is not inhibited by time, in fact he is the one who is in control of time. Therefore next time when we look at our photos please remember to look harder and see God’s hand in the picture.


by this paragraph, i know i've seriously backslided. or lost my innocence, or as aiping says, became nua.