she;

some things are just impossible to figure.
some circumstances go unimagined no matter how hard
you try to think about it
somethings haunt you and suck you into them, against your will

but then again.
the flipsides happened because we let them.

afterall, salvation is alot about clapping with God's hand.
not that God wasnt good enough, but that love is only true in freewill.
somethings made me sad, or rather allowed me to go sad.

mainly my computer, the beloved darling built by mence, is under seige by
viriuses.
even now the letters are slowly appearing, split seconds of lag after my fingers
depressed the keys on the.. um, keyboard?
well, i cant play my games, i cant erm, do things properly.
and even a 1gig ram is getting pwned by a mere virius scan, resulting in an
unbearable lag which occurs on all pentium 2 and below computers, i dare say.

well. anyway, if you thought you figured it all out.
she does not refer to the computer.
as you see, though im certainally weird, im nothing close to the perversions
of some mecha-phillea or whatnnot.
i obviously dont love computers nor desire any whatnots with them.

not like as if the 'she' in the title has anything got to do with intimacy or whatever.

she's just a stone i left unturned, because she told me to.
it remains as a mystery and i do wish that anyone who has a clear,
or thinks that they know who im talking about, shusssh!
i dont want 'she' to know that i want to know.
i mean, people who are unable to control their mouths are left on the shelf.
surely you dont want to face the abomination of life alone.

well ok, whats so puzzling is.
how everything ended in a snap.
*snap*, gone.
( im not emo, so shut up, just merely thinking)
how it felt like as if..
there was something else going on, some external factor whatnot.
we cant talk. i cant like her. there are like PIs all over the place.
where PI is not equivalent to vulgarity or what not.

ok. well.
it just feels so illegal.
it feels like as if i trampled on justice and thus
i needed to stop before i died.

ok maybe i feel that all this is unjust, coming from my ego or what not.
but i just wished.
one fine day i got a chance to talk all about it.
even though i would merely confirm my suspicion that you'd refuse to listen.
i dont even want anything, i just wanted to know, badly.
i've got to end some 1.5 years of torment somehow.
even if i end up not doing any good from it.
at least i could say i tried.